Back In Your Head.

I'm BACK!

In case you haven't noticed, I've been a little busy.  I'm guessing that "little" is the understatement of the year.  Anyways, I'm free for now, if even for just this tiny bit.  I'm also thinking that updates are necessary: school, work, church and life in general.

School = decent.  

I don't love it nearly as much as I thought I would, but I know in the end that I'll be a better person for it.  I do, for the most part, enjoy what I'm learning, but I think it's that whole learning process that I seem to have a problem with.  And it's hard being around those people all day, too.  I mean, I think I've just been spoiled to always have at least one good friend with me in classes, or see them right after.  It's just been nice to know that the world isn't as bad as it seems.  But, I'm there at school everyday with no consolation that these people are getting any better.  I guess that's the hardest part is that I'm trying so hard to turn their focus to Jesus, but they'd all rather talk about drinking and sex.  I feel like I'm pushing that boulder uphill, with no sign of it getting any easier.  Also, since the school is a year-round program, I'm continuing on through summer, which is not nearly as fun as it sounds.  I mean, it can't be that bad, but it can't be that good either, huh?  Haha.  We'll see how it goes, or if I survive.

Work = less decent than school.  

Not only are the managers completely uncaring when it comes to their employees, but the other employees also break my heart on a daily basis.  They all claim to love God and go to church, then they turn around and get completely wasted.  The other night, three of the girls (who are seniors in high school, mind you) paid off someone to go get them alcohol so they could have a party with their boyfriends afterwards.  It was just really sad.  And I tried to talk to them about it, but there was nothing I could do.  It's just so sad to see people throwing away their lives over something so ridiculous.  Besides, I think I'm going to put my in my 2 weeks in about a month or so.  I want the time off to coach soccer again, and it'll give me a good excuse to not have to work retail for awhile.

Church = not what I would have hoped for, but not the worst thing either.

So, my "serving" church, where I work with the kids and spend time with the young adults groups is alright.  I've never felt super comfortable there, so I guess that's part of the problem.  I'm always a little on the outside of the group, even though I desperately try to tell myself that I completely belong.  I guess I've just been lying to myself about it all for a long time.  I wish I could say that I was at home there, but I don't think it'll ever happen.  I get singled out because I'm different, which I'm very used to at this point in my life, but sometimes it gets to be a little more than I can handle.  However, we've had some new people coming to the young adults group, and I absolutely adore them all.  It makes me feel like I'm finally there for a purpose, if for nothing other than to make them feel welcome and accepted for who they are, unlike I've ever been treated.  Granted, there have been a select few who have reached out to me, and for that I'm truly grateful.  But, I feel like I also need to be there for all of these new additions as well.  I don't want them getting tossed aside because they don't have a long-standing history there.  So, in that area of my life, I think I've found a purpose, however temporary.

Life in general = not bad, and nothing really to complain about.

For the most part, it's going pretty well.  I'm still living at home, which would make one think that I get to see my parents a lot, but I rarely do.  Between work and school, I'm hardly home.  And when I am there, I'm usually so busy getting projects done, or working on things for church that I just don't have the time.  So, the rare moments that I do get to see them all is a blessing.  I miss the days when I was much younger and had zero responsibilities.  Other than that, things are good.  Not perfect by any means, but if they were then I'd be worried.  It's always when things are going great that bad things start happening...at least to me.  I stop relying on God as much, and He always has a way of making sure I know that He's still there.  So, I'm content with a "not bad" life right now.  It kind of suits me.

Whew.  I finally posted, after over a month.  Sorry I've been so remiss.  I'll have to keep going, if for nothing else than to continue on with the GOLD STAR CHALLENGE!  As you can see, Rachel's leading, but not by a lot.  It's still anyone's game.  So, until I have time again...

...chau. 

P.S.  I chose the song title for today, because I figured after being gone for so long you'd probably all forgot about me.  But now, I'm "back in your head".  Funny (and slightly creepy) all at the same time.  And, this is one of my favorite songs at the moment, by one of my favorite bands of all time.

Clever Girls Like Clever Boys Much More Than Clever Boys Like Clever Girls.

Kerri has definitely come from behind in the Gold Star Challenge.  She beat Caroline to that last one by about 2 hours, which is impressive.  Rachel...where have you gone?  You were originally the one to beat, but now you're tied for first.  Whan whan. (Kerri, that was for you.)  

Anyways, hope you all had a good time with your mothers today, seeing as how it was their day and all.  I made dinner tonight, and it didn't taste terrible, so I was pretty proud.  Not going to lie.  Other than that, it wasn't a perfect day.  But, I've burdened you all enough with that lately, so I'll digress.

So, I promised a slightly more upbeat post, and here I am to provide one.  And on a completely random topic that has made me really happy lately: texting.  More specifically, texting with Caroline.  There's just something about it that always brightens my day and quite literally makes me laugh out loud.  I'm also pretty sure that our conversations never even flow, but instead are just filled with random things that eventually all tie-in together, or are just individually awesome.  And, she uses perfect punctuation.  Ah, my favorite.  In honor of how great I think they are, I decided to post some of my favorites, from the last month or so, just so you all can enjoy them too.  Okay?  Here goes...

Caroline: Wish I had no responsibility on this earth but to sleep and watch Gilmore Girls, cuz I would happily and fabulously do both of those right now.

Me: Add "eat chocolate chip cookies" to the list and you got yourself a ditto. 

________________________________________________

Caroline: Oh, and you are now on my phone's speed dial.  I've never used speed dial before, but as I have a few numbers I call all the time, I decided to stop rebelling.

________________________________________________

Caroline: Lesson Of The Day #1: There are some managers you can joke around with, and there are some you cannot.  Know the difference, and act accordingly.

Me: And can I say how much I love our texting banter?  I think I may even blog about it.

And, so I did.  Hope you liked it.  I'll share more about my own life later.  That is, if anyone can even take anymore at this point. :)  <--  See how bad it's gotten?  Now I'm doing emoticon smileys.  What is this world coming to?  

Hooray For Shipwreck.

So much has happened since I last posted.  And, it's only been about a week, which I admit it much too long to go without the Gold Star Challenge.  Sorry about that.  I'll see if I can improve on that from now on.  

So, school has been busy.  As much as I like all the projects, as opposed to tests, it's much harder to get all those done.  At least with tests, I could pretend to study, and then just not do it.  Much more free time that way.  But, the projects are interesting (most of the time), so it's helpful too.  But, after you've spent your entire school career learning how to cram-and-not-officially-study-for-an-exam, you don't really know how to operate any other way.  So, yeah.  It's tougher than it looks.  However, the people I have classes with make it all worth it.  Well, some of them.  The others just make me feel inadequate.

Well, moving on to work: let's just say....weird.  I'm not even sure how to explain it.  I mean, we had one girl who lied about needing time off to go to Canada, and then came in that same night for dinner.  Then, she just didn't show up for work one day, and no one said anything to her.  It was needless to say, weird.  The fact that the managers didn't do anything about it was the worst.  I wish I could just not come in to work and not get fired.  I'm pretty sure that would be awesome.

So, on Friday before I started my shift, I had about 10 minutes, so I went to check my voicemail.  Of all the people who could have called, it was Alicia.  Now, I hadn't talked to her in about 3 months.  She called to tell me that Kristina's mother-in-law passed away.  My heart sank like a rock.  I was deeply sad for them, and at the same time I felt terrible for not being there for them right at that moment.  We've been so disconnected that I didn't even know what to do.  So, being the mature person that I am, I ran outside to once again bawl my eyes out at work.  All from the same person, but at least this time I had a different reason.  (Now, for those of you who know me, I'm not really the crying type.  Just lately, with about a million things all crashing down at one time, it's been a little harder to keep myself pulled together.)  Let's just say that at work that night, I was a little less than focused.  But, I put on my work face in front of my managers and got through the evening.  

I know that the right thing for me to do would be to go to the funeral service, but at the same time I don't want them to feel uncomfortable.  I know it will be hard enough as it is, and I don't want any added pressure on them.  It's such a dilemma, and I know that I need to make this less about myself, and more focused on them.

The ol' saying, "When it rains, it pours", is no misnomer.  I know that God won't give me more than I can handle, but at times I keep asking Him, "Alright.  Where's the exit for me to get out from under this, because I don't think I can take anymore".  It's just one thing after another that keeps draining me.  Physically, emotionally and definitely spiritually.  I haven't made adequate time to study my Bible, what with everything that is going on around me.  It's my own fault, and I have no one to blame but myself.  Now I just sound like a whiny little kid.  I guess all-in-all, I could use some prayer.  Big time.  And for Kristina and her husband.  I want to know exactly the words to say to them, but at the same time point them right to God.  

Well, once again, this post is a little less cheery than I would have hoped.  Sorry.  I promise I have a really funny one that I'm planning for later though, so I hope it helps to bring a little levity to this blog of mine.  Thanks, guys.  It does help to get it all out knowing that someone else is listening.  

Chau.

Too Much Space To Walk Away.

So, this Gold Star Challenge thing is pretty awesome. I'm not going to lie. Anyways, Kerri finally found the other bands I was looking for. Got them in an email, so it'll still count. The answers were "Coffee And Cigarettes" by Michelle Featherstone, "Sometimes I Doubt Your Commitment To Sparkle Motion" by YACHT, and "Whatever Gets You Through The Day" by The Radio. Rachel and Kerri both answered that last one correctly, and since I got both the answers at the same time, they both got a point. So, yeah. Check the leaderboard. We got ourselves a real competition, folks.

So, I'm not going to lie. Friday was probably one of the worst days at work that I've had in a long time. Now, I know I'm probably just starting to sound like a complainer, and everyone is thinking, "Gosh, Laura. If you hate it so much, why don't you just quit?" And my answer would be, "Income". Moving on...

So, it was your normal, busy night at a restaurant. Crowded, with about a million cranky, hungry people, as well as servers who think that they're God's gift to Red Robin. So, all-in-all, it's not the easiest to be a host on nights like that. But, I do what I can to keep the girls happy and the managers off our backs. But, we still have this one manager who insists on always being right there with us, telling us what to do at all times. And usually, he's wrong. So, guests get upset, servers get upset, and we get upset. It's a lose-lose-lose situation. All that made it bad enough. But then, it got worse.

I was standing there working with the other hosts, when I saw an old "friend" of mine come in the door. I haven't talked to this person in a few months now. And you know what? I was totally alright with not having to see her. What she did to me just hurt me so bad, that I was glad to not have to see her anymore. So, me being the really mature person that I am and desperately wanting to avoid having to talk to her, I ran to the bathroom to hide. Now, I'm not just saying that I ran away. I literally sprinted into one of the stalls. After I thought I was safe, I came out of the stall and would you know my luck, but she walked in right at that time. She gave me this huge hug and started talking to me like there was no problem at all. After she left, I went back into a stall and Caroline waited right outside it to see if I was okay. Let's face it: I wasn't okay. I felt like Addison from Grey's Anatomy when she hid in a bathroom stall and cried while Callie waited outside of it for her.

So, yeah. It was just terrible. I was not doing well the rest of that night. And I know that something like that shouldn't affect me like it did, but let's face it: my mind was a little distracted afterwards. And since then, I just haven't been back to my normal self. Gah. I sound so emo. Oh, well. If I don't mind, then you shoudn't either.

I didn't get to go to church tonight. Way too much homework, and I needed those few extra hours to get my drafting done. And seeing as how I'm closing four (or if I'm lucky, only 3!) nights this week, I need all the time I can get. And speaking of that, I think I'll head off to bed. Thanks for listening slash reading...

...chau.

P.S.  I totally love this song for today's challenge too.  Makes me smile.  And it fits this situation super well too.  Well, at least the title does.  Ah, my own emo-ness never ceases to amaze me.

Whatever Gets You Through Today.

So, I'm in another "blah" mood. Just everything seems to be going at lightning speed, and I can't seem to keep up. Between insane work schedules, lack of free time to see anyone, and school projects that are insane, I think I'm going to lose my mind.

I'm not going to lie: I really hate my job right now. The scheduling is crazy. I gave them the times that I have available, and they keep scheduling me for all the times I said that I wasn't free. And one of my friends at work, Jessica, and I have been closing on the weekends for the past month and a half, or so. Maybe longer. Anyways, I was always closing on Saturdays, and she was always closing on Fridays. So, we asked if someone else could do it, if even just for a week. So, instead of choosing someone else, they just switched it so I'll be closing on Fridays and Jessica will cover Saturdays. Yeah, it's upsetting. But, at the same time I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm working for God, and not for myself, or even my boss. It's one of the hardest things to do when people are yelling at you all the time, but I'm trying to do the best I can.

So, yeah. Not much for today, besides my fruitless venting that will make only me feel better. Sorry for that. But the song challenge for the day was inspired by my horrendously bad week. It's called "Whatever Gets You Through Today", which as well all know is different for every person. What gets my through each day is listening to great music to calm me, and just knowing that at the end of the day, God's never going to give me more than I can handle. A little cliche, but I know that if it's coming at me, then it also means that it's totally do-able.

Ah, God...how awesome you are...

Sometimes I Doubt Your Commitment To Sparkle Motion.

So, there's now another player (hopefully!) in our little GOLD STAR CHALLENGE! Oh, and for those of you who were wondering, that is it's official name. So, good luck, Kerri. And may the best person win.

Speaking of Kerri, I got to meet her for coffee slash lunch yesterday. It was pretty wicked awesome. Reminded me of the old days when we worked at Christian Supply, except that we actually had fun yesterday. Haha. After making a Mac appointment with the guy who was clearly doing nothing, and could have probably helped us right there, I got to show off my school. It's not that impressive of a place, but seeing as how I am there ALL the time, it was nice to have someone else see where I'm going. Besides, who doesn't like to have show & tell?

Well, I had class again today, as I always do. It was fine-ish. I did get done with my CAD project early, so my friend Shay and I walked to Starbucks and drank coffee and people-watched. And I almost fell asleep in those amazingly wonderful chairs. Speaking of that, I almost fell asleep in my lecture class too. It was just too darn hard to stay awake today, what with the weather being all warm and perfect.

But, there was something that made me smile today, even though I was sitting through a terribly long lecture class. Anyways, as I was sitting there, I smelled something. I know that usually means that it's something bad, but this was actually a very pleasant smell. But the weird thing is, is that I don't even know how to describe it. It was sweet, but not like fruit or flowers, but just different. I don't even know what it was. Well, the point to this is that I had one of those sense triggers, or whatever else they call them. You know, like when you smell Christmas trees and it makes you think of the holidays? It's all about those memories that we have associated with various things. Wow, this is a much longer explanation than I originally thought. Anyways, this scent reminded me of my house in Argentina. It just smelled like something familiar and comforting, but I don't even know where it came from. And after about three minutes or so, it was gone. So, at least for those three minutes I was super happy. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I've come to realize lately that if I don't find joy in the little things, I won't be able to see it anywhere. So, yeah.

I guess that's all for now. Off to do my Bible Study homework (which is due tonight!) that I've yet to start. Talk about your procrastination. Well...

...chau.

P.S. Today's song challenge is slightly unfair, I'll admit that. I'm pretty sure that Kerri is the only one who will know this artist off the top of her head, or the movie that inspired it. Everyone else will most definitely have to look it up. I'm not even sure if it's available on iTunes. And for that, I apologize. This title is just too good not to be in the competition, though. But then again, it is only the first person who answers who gets the points. So, technically, it's still anyone's game. Oh, and in case you haven't noticed, there's still a point that is yet to be claimed. Check the leaderboard for the 411.

Good Morning, Hypocrite.

I'm not a "bad kid".  Frankly, I never have been.  I didn't do all those rebellious things that seemingly everyone else did while they were growing up.  My parents always joke and say that I got all my "rebellion" out early...around 3 years old.  That's when I started deciding what I was going to wear, how I was going to look, who I was going to be friends with, etc.  By the time I hit that "crucial age", I had already got it out of my system.  For example, I don't smoke.  I never drank before I was 21 (and even now, I've had only one.).  I don't have sex and therefore I've never gotten pregnant.  I don't do drugs, and I try my hardest not to swear.  So, why is it that I feel like a worse person for not doing all these things?  It seems that everyone I work with is so obsessed with breaking some kind of commandment that it's the norm around there.  And while it breaks my heart, it also makes me feel like I've been cut out of the loop somehow.  And while it makes me sad to not be included in their conversations, I am also thrilled that I'm not, you know?  Does this even make any sense?  I feel like I'm getting to that point where I'm just rambling aimlessly.  I guess what it boils down to is that I'm happy where I'm at and what I've done or not done.  I don't like feeling like an outsider, but if this is the reason that I'm considered one, then so be it.  I'd rather be labeled as "weird" for not doing these things than compromising what I know to be right just to fit in.  I've never been one to follow the crowd either, so it suits me.  I just wish it was something that I didn't have to deal with every day.  Then again, God has put me in this position for a reason.  I know, I know..."Laura talks about God too much"...well, here I go again.  

So, yeah.  This started out as a rant slash complain, but I'm thinking that it ended a whole lot better.  I never seem to really grasp an insight until I've gotten it all out, and forced someone else to deal with it too.  Haha.  So, thanks.  For both of you who read this, it's nice to know I have someone who'll listen.

Again...chau.

P.S.  I've recently become a huge fan of ampersands.  Just saying that makes me sound brilliant.  Anyways, it's those little "&" symbols.  I've never been able to draw them, till the other day I tried it and realized that I could and how awesome I feel when I do.  I know this sounds silly, but I'll intentionally write out lists sometimes, just so I can draw a little "&" to brighten my day.  Haha...what a nerd I am.