Go On, Say It.

Today was a bad day.
I can't even cushion it to make it sound alright.
It was basically, all-around bad.
And I don't feel like talking about it in detail.
Actually, I don't feel like talking about it at all, but it's already starting to tear me up inside.
I hate that feeling.
But, I need prayer.
Not for myself, but for a friend, who desperately needs everything thrown up to God.
Oh, if only I could do more.

So, it's been FOREVER since I've posted. With work, school and the hassles of everyday life consistently distracting me, I haven't had all that much time to post. Even now, I only have a few minutes, but I thought I'd drop a line to let you all know that I'm still alive.

Not much going on, besides the usual stuff. Christmas was wonderful with my family this year, and I always look forward to days where we are just hanging out, and completely relaxed. So, that was great. We're leaving for California on the 30th, and spending a few days with family for the New Year. It'll be nice, seeing as how we don't get to spend much time with them. And when we get back, it seems like January is going to be filled with excitement. We're going out to the coast for a day or two, traveling down to Florida, preparing for friends weddings (i.e. me looking for a dress to wear to it, which we all know will take every ounce of strength within me), and winter quarter starting as well. Ugh, too many things happen at the same time.

So, there's a quick rundown. Not much, but enough to keep ya'll interested, eh? Until later...

For Blue Skies.

I'm currently sitting in a dorm room in sunny California. Well, it's getting towards evening so it's not nearly as sunny as it was before, but that's beside the point. Anyways, I'm down here in Santa Clarita visiting Laura at The Master's College. It's actually way more impressive than I imagined, which was a very nice surprise. And this room is fairly decent-sized. Not bad for a Christian college, eh?

Anyways, it's kind of the opposite of my school. For one: everyone at least pretends to love Jesus, whether they actually do or not. I think I've become accustomed to hypocrisy from "Christians" more than I like the blatant disregard of God from non-Christians. (that's just me little sidenote). Number two: there are guys at this school who are NOT gay. Shocking, I know. I didn't even know those type of guys existed anymore. It's so sad that I've become desensitized to it because of my ridiculous school. It's not that I don't love my program, because I really do. It's just that I miss God being a part of my every day walk from people outside of my immediate family, you know?

I've already decided that there's no way I could ever live in a dorm. Way too many girls in a very tiny space. Not that Laura's friends haven't been super nice, because they totally have. They've made me feel very welcome, and I'm grateful for that. But seriously...can you see me living alongside this many other girls? I think I'd lose my mind. Actually, I KNOW I'd lose my mind. I'm glad Laura enjoys it, though. It's about time she had some other really good girlfriends around her, besides just me.

But, I really like it here because people talk about God in every other sentence. It's refreshing. I don't know if these people are more "spiritual", or if it's just that the spirit of God is totally working in this place. It's amazing. And as much as I love it, I don't ever see myself here. I don't feel that tug on my heart from God telling me that this is where I need to be. I feel like as much as I hate my school at times, it's where I'm supposed to be; to witness to those people in a place where God is certainly not accepted. Everyone's just called to their own mission field, eh?

I guess growing up in Christian schools made me realize that I don't want to live in the bubble anymore. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but for me it feels to safe. Usually that's what people go for, but I've found I actually trust and rely on God less when I'm comfortable. I tend to think that it's my own doing, instead of His, and my thoughts and ideas get averted from His. So, while some may think that this is the perfect place for them, at this time I know that it's just not mine. It's kind of comforting in a way, because I never tend to know what God wants for me. At least with this, I know what I don't want. Kind of the same-ish, eh?

And on a totally different topic: this is the last post of the GOLD STAR CHALLENGE, Round One. I'll get user feedback later on to see how it was accepted, and we'll see if it goes into another round. Good luck on this last one, everyone! Oh, and if I don't have your addresses (which I know I don't have anyone's...), get them to me sometime within the next two weeks. I'll be on break from school, so I'll actually have time to run down to the post office. Haha. And instead of posting them on here, feel free to email it to me at razzberry287@hotmail.com.

Until later....

Salesman At The Day Of The Parade.

So, as we all know, I'm not that girly. I've tried and tried, but the majority of the "girly" things just seems to escape me. However, if there was one thing that I really have down, that would be shopping. In fact, I am an expert shopper. If shopping was an Olympic sport, I would be the gold medalist.

That being said, I have found a great online place to shop. It's called JesusBranded, and it's amazing. See, I always like being obvious about my faith, but I don't like to do it in a cheesy, over-the-top, ridiculous "Jesus Loves You", with a big smiley face, kind of way. I just feel stupid when I do that. So, the awesome thing is that JesusBranded has those kind of shirts that are obvious about your faith, without looking ridiculous.

It's also got that slight, urban-indierock feel to the style, so I love it even more. It's like someone reached into my brain and said, "Oh, let's make clothes like her". Yeah, it's that good. So, check it out. (http://jesusbranded.com/) I'm a fan. Therefore, you should be too. Deal? Deal.

Until later...

P.S. The song for the day is from one of my new favorite bands. I'm usually the first to find someone awesome, but this time I got this from a friend, and I've never been happier. So, after you figure out who it is, feel free to listen to them...A LOT. And, repeatedly.

http://www.JesusBranded.com">Christian Shirts

Wrapped In Piano Strings.

I've come to realize that I'm not deep.  I'm not very philosophical.  I think I've always wanted to be, but wanting never makes things so.  I read through books, blogs, articles, etc. to see how others view things.  And then I think to myself, "Why aren't I like that?  Why can't I come up with things like they do?".  I still have no good answer for that.  But, I have come to realize that I don't need a good answer.  The best I can do is accept that I am who I am, and my philosophical mind can only be stretched so far, regardless of how I want it to go.

I've noticed that I pray more.  It's not that I didn't pray before.  It was that I had my "scheduled" times.  You know the routine: wake up, pray, eat lunch, pray, dinner, pray, go to bed, pray.  And I'm not saying those things are bad, but for me they were.  I was used to it.  I didn't talk to God because I wanted to, but because I knew I should.  I think it was more out of guilt that an actual prayer.  But lately, I've just been praying whenever.  I'll be driving and I'll find myself talking out loud and laughing in the car, as if He was sitting shotgun.  And sometimes I'm so angry with Him, I'll just be yelling at the top of my lungs.  There are times when I get so frustrated too, because I just can't always bring myself to say, "Your will be done".  I know it in my head, but I can't always get it to my heart.  I know what I want to say, but sometimes I don't always believe it.  It's such a struggle, but I think God's really working on me with it.  All of this to say that I think I've found that really awesome, omni-present, conversational side of God.  And I have to say that it is amazing.  Granted, it's not perfect seeing as how I'm involved, but it's pretty darn good.

Not too much of a point tonight.  Just more rambling.  But, it always does feel good to get it out.  Until later...

Label My Mind, Blown.

I love the Olympics.  It doesn't even matter who is playing, what sport, or where it is.  I just LOVE the Olympics.  Have I mentioned yet that I love the Olympics?  I know, I know...I hide it well.

I'm currently sitting at my computer at 1:30am, watching clips from today on the screen, while a television behind me is playing another set of highlights.  It's amazing what you can find on this time of night.  And, I'm not even tired yet.  It's not like I've been up since 6:00am, and plan on waking up in about 4 and a half hours or anything.  I think I should be labeled crazy.  Or at least, I think I should get a temporary hiatus from work and school once every two years just so I could sit around and so nothing but watch the games.  It's sickening, really.

Anyways, just thought I'd drop a line and say. "Howdy", seeing as how I haven't been by here in forever.  Sorry.  Don't worry though:  the game is continuing on!  Good luck with this one.

Got to go watch some more highlights.  No time to type.  :)  Till later...

P.S.  I chose the song for today not because it has anything to do with the Olympics (or even sports for that matter), but because Michael Phelps just set the record today for most gold medals won in the Olympics...ever.  He's at 10 already, and doesn't seem like he's going to stop any time soon.  Whew.  I'm officially impressed.

Ballads Of Selective Memory.

I am currently sitting in a class at school, writing this post because I literally have nothing else to do. The geniuses in charge of this whole organization decided that 5-hour classes would be effective and worthwhile, or something like that. Either way, it's ridiculous. So, at least this gives me a chance to get back to all of you, albeit for a brief moment. Although, it's taking me forever to type this because I am CRAVING a Chipotle burrito. There's a store that just opened right around the corner from my school, and it's all I can think about right now. That's what happens when you run out of the house late, without a proper morning meal. Anyways, is it pathetic that I'm only listening to the teacher long enough to hear him say, "Take your 30 minute break and I'll see you back here in a bit", so that I can get a burrito? Hmm...

Anyways, like I said: school. Boring. The good news is I only have to go four times a week. The bad news? I have to be there by 8:00am, every day. You all know me and my lack of morning skills. It's tragic, to say the least. So, I've been loading up on hot tea, primarily because I am too tired in the morning to figure out the french press. And the regular coffee pot would take to long. Ergo, I've resorted to hot tea. My current flavor of the week is darjeeling, mostly because it's the only one I can find in the house besides Starbucks passion tea, and also because I am still dying to see the movie, "The Darjeeling Limited". Looks good, but haven't read any reviews. I only saw the small pre-clip on iTunes, "Hotel Chevalier", which I liked. Gosh, I totally sound like I know what I'm talking about, when in reality I don't.

Speaking of movies I want to see, I've been seeing tons of reviews for the movie "Bella". I read some about it online last night, and it seemed good. Lots of controversy in some forums I found, so that means it's got to be good. To make it more impressive, it won the People's Choice Award at the Toronto Film Festival. Either I'll love it, or hate it. Regardless, it'll be a worthwhile watch.

Change of subject (and seeing as how I can't remember if I already mentioned this...), but I applied at my old high school to be an assistant soccer coach. So far, they don't even have a head coach, which terrifies me to no end, but God always has a plan. I'm trying to convince my old middle school coach to come back and be lead coach for this team, which would be amazing in every sense of the word! If I can't convince her with my charming and witty personality, I might just have to fly solo. Terrifying? Yes. Gratifying? Immensely. I know it's something that I can do, but I don't know how long it'll take me to get it right. So, that's my current predicament.

Otherwise, life's keeping me busy. Currently working two jobs, full-time school, and house-sitting for three families in the next two months. It'll be insane, seeing as how soccer might overlap some of it all too. Whew...I'll take a breather when I can.

Sorry again for having gone so long between postings. I've been remiss in the game, and I apologize. I've decided that when I get to 15 total songs used, I'll end the first round of the game. The winner slash all participants will get a very nice gift in the mail. Then, we'll pretty much start all over again. Let me know if you want to start over with the points, or keep going with the current totals for the next round. This whole "game" is still in it's early stages, so I haven't ironed out all the kinks of it yet. So, if I don't have your current address, make sure I get that, por favor.

I guess that's all for today. I'm sure I could say more, but they give me a time limit on "Personal Sites and Social Networking" websites. Those internet nazis....