Impossible.

It's official: I am a loser.

Yes, it's been 14 months since I last posted. While it may it seem like I had an actual life, the sad truth is that I just didn't/don't. Since last August not only have I turned from an assistant coach to a head coach at a high school (go alma mater!), graduated with a BFA in Interior Design, and found 2+ jobs (which I may or may not be getting paid), but I was also kicked out of my church. Yep, you heard it. I was given the boot.

I'm so excited about a ton of my accomplishments, but getting asked to stop attending an institution (that for all intents and purposes, was my home) was probably the hardest thing to go through. Since last November, I have been sifting through church after church, trying to decipher which one fit me best, and where God wanted me to be (it's amazing how silent God can be when you really need Him to be the most vocal). Name a church in the Kent/Covington/Maple Valley area, and I've been there. Or, I've at least ruled them out from their website (yes, I know the whole 'book by it's cover' argument...blah, blah, blah). There are a few that have sparked my interest, but for the most part it's been a downright disappointment. Had I only had the foresight to post them all on here, it would have been a roller coaster of a ride, from the downright depressing to the absolute hilarious. Props to SJ and CK for putting up with all the crazy-ness with me.

Anyways, I'm no closer to finding a new home than I was 11 months ago. And there are times when it downright hurts, I won't deny that. But, I'm usually such a Debbie Downer, that I've been trying to keep my chin up. And you know, it's actually working. I've got a ton of great things going for me, and while it's not perfect, I kind of love it.

I'm coaching 13(ish) high school girls how to play soccer. It's a daily struggle to be an example for them, as well as teach them not only the fundamentals of this glorious game, but also how to be young Godly women. Anyone can teach them how to play soccer. My goal is to instruct them in how to persevere, be dedicated to one another, and be responsible. I guess I'm a little optimistic when it comes to them.

Well, I'm starting to ramble, so I'll sign out. Sorry it's been so long, but I'm betting that the three of you who actually read this aren't too terribly worried. After all, CW got a super-serious bf, RB moved back to Washington (thank the Lord!) and KL got married! Woohoo! So excited for all of you! Loves, and we'll talk soon.

Blame Me! Blame Me!

It has been absolutely forever since I've been here (I seem to say that every time I come back. Maybe I should change my bad habits...). Yes, I'm still alive.

Life has been going at a million miles a minute, and doesn't seem to want to slow down anytime soon. While that may sound like a complaint, it's actually a huge praise. I kind of like that constant, busy feel. I get more accomplished, although every now and then I want a day where I can just sit and do nothing if I choose. Guess I'll have to keep waiting.

I am currently sitting in a completely empty room at school waiting for my next final to begin. My third in a series of 4 was this morning at 8am. My next one doesn't start till 1pm. Got a "nice" long break. I did fine on my first 3 classes so far, so here's hoping that the fourth one goes just as smoothly.

So, I have a job. Well, technically it's a job. I'm assistant coaching varsity soccer again at my old high school. It's an incredibly small place, but the girls are just great. What they lack in soccer skills they make up for in wonderful personalities. Although, it looks like we actually have a chance to win some games this year. It's been 2 years of straight losses for our Lady Mustangs, and I can't bear to see them go through all of that again. To see the humiliation and defeat on their faces is just more than I can take. My goal is to not only teach them the game and a passion for it, but also something deeper that will affect their lives in the future. Haven't exactly decided what they will be, but i figure I'll leave that part up to God.

Speaking of God, He's always got something up his sleeve, eh? Well, as you might know I had a falling out with a few of my then-close friends about 2yrs ago. We've barely spoken to each other since, except for at funerals or randomly bumping into one another. Needless to say, a lot of this was my own choosing because I was so hurt by what had happened, I couldn't bear to go through it all every time I saw them. Well, God's really been placing it on my heart that I didn't handle it as perfectly as I could have back then, and by not forgiving them for what they did, it only put that stress on me. So, He's been encouraging me to get back in contact and at least make amends, if for nothing else but my own sake.

Taking a cue from the prophet Jonah, I decided that I knew what was better for my own life than God did. So, I refused to even think about meeting with them. Yet, even when we decide what's going to happen, it never does. It was a constant battle in my mind to stop thinking about them. It seemed that everywhere I went, something reminded me of them, or their names randomly came up in a conversation. I had nowhere else to go.

So, last Monday, I finally told God, "Fine, you want me to meet with them? Give me a clear sign." (In case you were wondering, that's not the best way to approach the creator of heaven and earth.) When I arrived at my first soccer practice of the season, guess who showed up to play on the team? The sister of one of these girls. She'd never played before in her life, but felt this was her year to try. It hit me like a rock. I knew that I had to get back in touch and apologize. So, next Monday evening I am meeting with the two of them for coffee, and we'll see what happens from there. I don't expect things to be the same as they were before, but I do desire to see a change in my life. I can't keep dwelling in this stagnant pond I've lived in for the past two years. I think no matter what happens, it'll be healthier for everyone.

So, that's my life in a nutshell. I get a week off after these finals, then classes start back up again. Woohoo. One of these days I'll be done. Until then...

Ca Plane Pour Moi.

You know those posts that kept going around on Facebook?  Like, the ones where you are supposed to talk about your top 20ish things that people should know about you?  Well, I kept tossing those off as extremely ego-centric, which I think for the most part they really were.  But as I kept getting tagged and told that I also had to participate, I started thinking about it.  Maybe it wasn't that people were being self-centered, but that they were just describing the things that made them unique.  And when it comes down to that, it's not nearly as bad.

Well, I had a less than super night after about 11:30pm.  Honestly, I don't even know why.  The only conclusion I can jump to is that I've stressed myself out over so many things that I eventually snapped.  I simply couldn't take it anymore.  I had a long heart-to-heart with God, which is something that I regretfully have not done recently.  And in light of all this, I wanted to find the positive in my life again.  So, I'm giving in to the masses.  Although, just to be different, I didn't want to post it on Facebook.  I thought this was much better for a blog, instead.  Here goes...

20-ish Things That You May (Or May Not) Know About Me:

1.  I have two middle names: Grace and Reiko.

2.  I am an assistant coach for a Varsity soccer team.

3.  I didn't attend public school till I hit college.  Yeah, I was one of those kids.

4.  I've always wanted to own two hamsters and name them Tiki and Ronde.

5.  I have an unnatural and unhealthy obsession with Stephen Christian and Anberlin.

6.  I would prefer to listen to vinyls over cd's anyday.

7.  I have a favorite place that I love to drive at night.

8.  I want to backpack across Europe (at least 20 countries) and sleep in hostels.

9.  I collect souvenir pennies from cliche tourist traps.

10.  I want to be fluent in a language, other than English.

11.  My favorite book of the Bible is Hebrews, followed closely by Jude.

12.  I was born and raised in California till I was 9.

13.  I randomly give inanimate objects names, especially cars.

14.  My signature coffee drink is a tall Americano with three pumps of white mocha, no room.

15.  My favorite color is brown, mostly because everyone else doesn't like it.

16.  The best fruit in the world is pomegranate.  And yes, I liked them before they were cool.

17.  If I wasn't going to school for interior design, I'd like to be a counselor, full-time coach or a music promoter/manager.

18.  I have a very real and completely irrational fear of being tickled.

19.  When I was little, my family always told me that I was going to grow up to be an actress.  Or a cruise director.

20.  I can't survive even a 2-minute car ride without music playing.

21.  I grew up watching Charlie's Angels, Miami Vice and Dallas, not cartoons.  Ah, it explains so much.

Well, that's what makes me me, in a very large nutshell.  Writing it down is surprisingly therapeutic.  Gives you a sense of belonging, yet individuality all at the same time.  And sometimes, it's just nice to see those reassuring words.

 

C'etait Salement Romantique.

Ah, Sundays.  Such a relaxing time.  God was really a genius when He decided to take a day of rest.  Look at me: calling God a genius as if I had any right to commend Him when He did a good job, or judge Him when I think He's in the wrong.  When put that way, I really come to see how insignificant I am.  It's terrifying, and amazingly comforting all at the same time.   

So, I woke up to snow this morning.  Yes, snow.  In the middle of March.  In Washington.  Insanity, I know.  But, God's got His own sense of humor, so I decided to find it entertaining.  Besides, when summer hits I'll be begging for cold weather again.  I might as well enjoy it now while I can.

On another note, I've come to realize that going to an exceedingly liberal, Jesus-hating institution for an education has made me quite different.  It's not that I've abandoned my beliefs in any way, but I've come to understand how the other side lives.  I still don't agree with them and I still believe that they are wrong in every way, but if I expect them to agree with me both politically and spiritually, I can't go around hating them or putting down what they believe to be true.  Instead, I need to take my cue from Paul and "be all things to all people".  So, I've broadened my view, while still maintaining my values.  And I've noticed that I tend to see things (and people) in a more positive light, instead of being so concerned of condemning them.  This has created a lot of friction in my small group.  It's been very apparent that I'm more of a "fight", rather than "flight", type of person.  So, I tend to speak my mind and defend those who still have a chance.  Seeing as how I'm one of the only ones, it's usually me against everyone else.    I've quickly learned how difficult it is to be out-on-your-own.  But, I really feel that standing up for these people and reaching out to them is what I'm meant to do, for now at least.  

So, I've got finals this coming week.  This quarter was easy-ish, so they aren't so bad.  But, I do still have four of them to complete.  None of them are completely finished yet, but I have two that just need a little tweaking before they are turn-in ready.  One of mine that is due on Tuesday has not even been started, but I am the queen of procrastination, so it'll get done on time.  I seem to thrive on the late-night deadlines.  Ah, I'll put it out of my mind for now.  Why worry when I can put if off and blog instead?

I've been thinking this week that I wish I could blog about music.  It's not that I'm incapable of it, I just don't ever know what to say.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I seem to have a never-ending supply of things to say, just nothing profound enough for others to consider stimulating.  One of these days I'll be profound enough to start a blog like that, but until then I'll stick to reading others, and playing the Gold Star Challenge.  Close enough for me.

There's so much more I could say, but I'll leave it at that for now.  If I gold back, it'll give me a better reason to come back and write again, which is something that I really should do.  It's that little bit of a release that keeps me going.  Ah, the power of words again displayed.

I Believe In Immediacy.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

That phrase has never been more clear than tonight.  Let's just say that a casual Bible Study was anything but.  I won't bore anyone with the details, because even I am tired of thinking about them.  I've just come to realize that I completely despise people who are purposely ignorant.  They are aware that they don't know things, and yet they choose to not resolve it.  Or, they are so completely close minded that they can't see any viable option beyond their own feet.  Gah.  That's enough.

I've decided that I need to read more.  Not just magazines or television episode summaries, but actual books.  Fiction and non-fiction alike.  My most recent read was "The Only Road North" by Erik Mirandette.  I would strongly suggest it to anyone.  Based on a true story, it follows the adventure of four men who, after landing on the continent of Africa, travel on dirt bikes from Cape Town to Cairo.  Ah-mazing.  I'm currently reading two other books: "The Orphaned Anything's" by Stephen Christian and "Bella" by Lisa Samson.  While it's a little confusing to get the story lines straight, I am loving both.

On a completely unrelated note: I have this strange desire to paint my nails green.  Not like an emerald green or a lime green.  And for lack of a better description, I want a "bold middle green".  Not sure exactly what color that really is, but I'll keep my eyes open.  Like I said, completely frivolous, but it keeps life fun.  And maybe with bright green nails, it'll keep me calm enough to not want to rip all my hair out next week at Bible Study.  Here's to hoping!

Wrapped In My Memory.

WARNING: This post filled with an absolute purging of my emotional-ness.  It was a tough day.  Be prepared.  Well, at least you were warned.

I went to the world's BEST memorial service today for my dear friend MaryAnn (aka Double Trouble; quite a nickname for a 67 year-old lady).  Surprising to say when it comes to a situation like that, but it truly was.  I don't know how else to describe it besides a true party.  There had to be at least 1,000 attendees.  And knowing her, she wouldn't have it any other way.

It was tough seeing all those people that I had planned on never seeing again.  And holding my tongue about how much they all hurt her by not keeping in touch was even tougher.  But all the while, I had to remind myself to be less selfish, because she impacted all of their lives in some way as well.  It wasn't only my life that she touched, but thousands of others.  However, I was incredibly blessed because during the slideshow, one of the photos was her and I from my graduation.  I about lost it all right there.  Afterwards, I was speaking with her husband, Joe (who is by the way, the world's sweetest guy), and he said, "She really loved you, you know?".  It was something I had always known, but it was wonderful to hear.

While listening to all the speakers tell of their favorite memories of her, I couldn't help but thinking of my own favorite times with her.  First, I cannot overlook the first time we met.  It was a connection of kindred spirits from the start.  She always used to tell me that we were so similar, that it was almost scary.  And we really were.  For goodness sakes, we even had matching sweatshirts that say 'Trouble" and "Double Trouble".  And we kept true to our namesakes.  

We would spend hours in her office, talking about absolutely nothing, but having a sensational time.  She'd get me out of classes, just so we could spend time together and eat our weight in Reeses Peanut Butter cups, or cry about the hardships of life.  We were quite a pair.  I remember a time when she made me pretend to cry, because she saw the teacher whose class I was skipping coming around the corner.  She told him that I was just having a "tough day" and needed a break.  She was a genius.  And she totally had my back.

One of the times when we completely lost it because of our ridiculousness, was Christmas shopping at Target last year.  She had asked if I would take her out, because the normal people that took her were the ones she wanted to shop for.  So, I picked her up and after running a few errands, we finally arrived at Target.  She decided that she should grab one of those motorized carts, because we didn't know how long it was going to take us.  Actually, rewind that.  We knew EXACTLY how long it was going to take us...forever.  There was only one scooter left, and apparently it was a little...off.  Well, it went forwards fine, but whenever it stopped this horrible buzzer went off, and a ear-piercing beep when it went backwards.  Since it was the only one left, we decided it couldn't be THAT bad.  Well, it was.  The buzzer went off so many times, that rather than stopping, she'd just creep along the aisles, and if we didn't see everything we needed, she'd make this huge loop around all the other aisles to get back to the one she wanted.  It was hilarious!  After over 2 hours of craziness, I'm sure the Target employees were glad to see us leave, and enjoy the silence of our no-longer-beeping scooter.

All in all, she was one of the best friends I've ever had.  I don't even think it's sunk in that I won't get to go out for coffee with her again.  Or call her when I've had a bad day.  Or buy matching rings.  Or share utter ridiculousness with.

But thanks to our common bond in Jesus, I know that I will see her again.  Not like she was, but how she was always meant to be.  It'll be perfect.  There are not many things that I know without a doubt.  But, of that I am absolutely sure.

Click Click Click Click.

Well, I'm back. Sort of. I'm back in the fact that I think I'll have more time to post again, but it's not like I ever left where I was. Life just happened, as it always does. It'd be nice sometimes if it would just stop. Like, putting life on pause. Ah, imagination.

I'm halfway through my Winter quarter of classes. I'm taking CAD 3D, which is difficult, but looks awesome when you're finally done. It's been five and a half weeks and all we've made is a room with two walls, windows, drapes, sofa, end table and lamp. That's it. So, you can see how long it'll take, but it does look really good. I'll have to post a photo when I'm finally done.

Also, I've been busy with church. It seems like I'm forcing myself to go in about eighty-five different directions at one time. First, I'm teaching the preschool class with my friend Janelle. It's about 20-25 wild and crazy rugrats that I absolutely adore. It's hectic at times, but I'm learning how to relate to them on their level, without treating them like idiots. I figured, if I treat them like pint-sized adults, things might turn out alright.  Well, it's still a work in progress.  I am so blessed that Janelle is helping me too.  Caroline used to be my right-hand gal, but after her sudden departure to Portland I had to replace her.  Janelle has filled in wonderfully and the kids love her.  It's funny how quick kids will get attached to someone.

Then, I've been involved with my young adults group.  Nothing more than I was doing before, but it just feels busier.  We've got the regular Sunday stuff, which I juggle between my preschool classes.  And then there's Bible Study, which I've taken upon myself to organize the teachers.  And by that I mean, I go around and assign everyone a week to teach and then I make sure that they know about it and show up.  And with all the newcomers, I try to make them feel as welcome as possible, although God knows I am not capable of doing it all or doing it perfectly.  

I don't currently have a job, but I'm looking for one.  Not too actively, but enough that keeps me annoyed.  It's one of those things where I want to have a job, but at the same time I don't.  I like the paycheck, but I don't like having to show up on time and do things that others tell me I have to do.  Ah, the inner turmoil I create for myself.

So, that's my current life in a nutshell.  Not much new, but it keeps me going.  Keeps my breathing.  Although, there's been a huge thing in my life that nearly took my breath away.

One of my dearest and closest friends in the entire world passed away a few weeks ago.  She had been in and out of the hospital for six years now, after having a liver and kidney transplant.  She was such a fighter, and this last time just took it out of her.  She simply couldn't hold on anymore.  And it hurts.  Terribly.  So much so that if I think about it too hard, I can't even breathe.  Since we met, we had always been incredibly close.  We were alike in so many ways, that she said I reminded her of when she was young, which is probably the biggest compliment I could ever get.  We even had matching rings on our hands, which is a huge thing, seeing as how I've never had matching anything with anyone.

We discussed praying for specifics yesterday at Bible Study, as in the case of Eleazar looking for a wife for Isaac.  The collective discussion was that if you pray specifically to God knowing that He will provide, He will.  While I wanted to yell, "No, that doesn't always happen", I sat there in complete silence.  I couldn't tell these people that I had specifically prayed for God to save my friend knowing that He could, and instead He decided to take her away.  It was just too much for me at one time.  Even this is too much, but if I don't talk about it, I think I might explode.

So, after getting all the daily life pleasantries out of the way, the above is how I am actually doing.  Kind of a complicated, and more-than-you-really-wanted-to-know kind of explanation.  Sorry to unload.

But on a happier note, I've started Round Two of the GOLD STAR CHALLENGE!!!  For those of you who have yet to receive your "prize" for participating in Round One, I sincerely apologize.  I will get to you, eventually.  Those of you who have gotten it can attest to it's greatness.  Or lack there of.  Either way, we're pushing forward to Round Two.  Scores are reset to zero.  So, have fun.

Until later...

P.S.  The last post is also up for grabs on the GOLD STAR CHALLENGE!!!  Go at it.

Go On, Say It.

Today was a bad day.
I can't even cushion it to make it sound alright.
It was basically, all-around bad.
And I don't feel like talking about it in detail.
Actually, I don't feel like talking about it at all, but it's already starting to tear me up inside.
I hate that feeling.
But, I need prayer.
Not for myself, but for a friend, who desperately needs everything thrown up to God.
Oh, if only I could do more.

So, it's been FOREVER since I've posted. With work, school and the hassles of everyday life consistently distracting me, I haven't had all that much time to post. Even now, I only have a few minutes, but I thought I'd drop a line to let you all know that I'm still alive.

Not much going on, besides the usual stuff. Christmas was wonderful with my family this year, and I always look forward to days where we are just hanging out, and completely relaxed. So, that was great. We're leaving for California on the 30th, and spending a few days with family for the New Year. It'll be nice, seeing as how we don't get to spend much time with them. And when we get back, it seems like January is going to be filled with excitement. We're going out to the coast for a day or two, traveling down to Florida, preparing for friends weddings (i.e. me looking for a dress to wear to it, which we all know will take every ounce of strength within me), and winter quarter starting as well. Ugh, too many things happen at the same time.

So, there's a quick rundown. Not much, but enough to keep ya'll interested, eh? Until later...

For Blue Skies.

I'm currently sitting in a dorm room in sunny California. Well, it's getting towards evening so it's not nearly as sunny as it was before, but that's beside the point. Anyways, I'm down here in Santa Clarita visiting Laura at The Master's College. It's actually way more impressive than I imagined, which was a very nice surprise. And this room is fairly decent-sized. Not bad for a Christian college, eh?

Anyways, it's kind of the opposite of my school. For one: everyone at least pretends to love Jesus, whether they actually do or not. I think I've become accustomed to hypocrisy from "Christians" more than I like the blatant disregard of God from non-Christians. (that's just me little sidenote). Number two: there are guys at this school who are NOT gay. Shocking, I know. I didn't even know those type of guys existed anymore. It's so sad that I've become desensitized to it because of my ridiculous school. It's not that I don't love my program, because I really do. It's just that I miss God being a part of my every day walk from people outside of my immediate family, you know?

I've already decided that there's no way I could ever live in a dorm. Way too many girls in a very tiny space. Not that Laura's friends haven't been super nice, because they totally have. They've made me feel very welcome, and I'm grateful for that. But seriously...can you see me living alongside this many other girls? I think I'd lose my mind. Actually, I KNOW I'd lose my mind. I'm glad Laura enjoys it, though. It's about time she had some other really good girlfriends around her, besides just me.

But, I really like it here because people talk about God in every other sentence. It's refreshing. I don't know if these people are more "spiritual", or if it's just that the spirit of God is totally working in this place. It's amazing. And as much as I love it, I don't ever see myself here. I don't feel that tug on my heart from God telling me that this is where I need to be. I feel like as much as I hate my school at times, it's where I'm supposed to be; to witness to those people in a place where God is certainly not accepted. Everyone's just called to their own mission field, eh?

I guess growing up in Christian schools made me realize that I don't want to live in the bubble anymore. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but for me it feels to safe. Usually that's what people go for, but I've found I actually trust and rely on God less when I'm comfortable. I tend to think that it's my own doing, instead of His, and my thoughts and ideas get averted from His. So, while some may think that this is the perfect place for them, at this time I know that it's just not mine. It's kind of comforting in a way, because I never tend to know what God wants for me. At least with this, I know what I don't want. Kind of the same-ish, eh?

And on a totally different topic: this is the last post of the GOLD STAR CHALLENGE, Round One. I'll get user feedback later on to see how it was accepted, and we'll see if it goes into another round. Good luck on this last one, everyone! Oh, and if I don't have your addresses (which I know I don't have anyone's...), get them to me sometime within the next two weeks. I'll be on break from school, so I'll actually have time to run down to the post office. Haha. And instead of posting them on here, feel free to email it to me at razzberry287@hotmail.com.

Until later....

Salesman At The Day Of The Parade.

So, as we all know, I'm not that girly. I've tried and tried, but the majority of the "girly" things just seems to escape me. However, if there was one thing that I really have down, that would be shopping. In fact, I am an expert shopper. If shopping was an Olympic sport, I would be the gold medalist.

That being said, I have found a great online place to shop. It's called JesusBranded, and it's amazing. See, I always like being obvious about my faith, but I don't like to do it in a cheesy, over-the-top, ridiculous "Jesus Loves You", with a big smiley face, kind of way. I just feel stupid when I do that. So, the awesome thing is that JesusBranded has those kind of shirts that are obvious about your faith, without looking ridiculous.

It's also got that slight, urban-indierock feel to the style, so I love it even more. It's like someone reached into my brain and said, "Oh, let's make clothes like her". Yeah, it's that good. So, check it out. (http://jesusbranded.com/) I'm a fan. Therefore, you should be too. Deal? Deal.

Until later...

P.S. The song for the day is from one of my new favorite bands. I'm usually the first to find someone awesome, but this time I got this from a friend, and I've never been happier. So, after you figure out who it is, feel free to listen to them...A LOT. And, repeatedly.

http://www.JesusBranded.com">Christian Shirts

Wrapped In Piano Strings.

I've come to realize that I'm not deep.  I'm not very philosophical.  I think I've always wanted to be, but wanting never makes things so.  I read through books, blogs, articles, etc. to see how others view things.  And then I think to myself, "Why aren't I like that?  Why can't I come up with things like they do?".  I still have no good answer for that.  But, I have come to realize that I don't need a good answer.  The best I can do is accept that I am who I am, and my philosophical mind can only be stretched so far, regardless of how I want it to go.

I've noticed that I pray more.  It's not that I didn't pray before.  It was that I had my "scheduled" times.  You know the routine: wake up, pray, eat lunch, pray, dinner, pray, go to bed, pray.  And I'm not saying those things are bad, but for me they were.  I was used to it.  I didn't talk to God because I wanted to, but because I knew I should.  I think it was more out of guilt that an actual prayer.  But lately, I've just been praying whenever.  I'll be driving and I'll find myself talking out loud and laughing in the car, as if He was sitting shotgun.  And sometimes I'm so angry with Him, I'll just be yelling at the top of my lungs.  There are times when I get so frustrated too, because I just can't always bring myself to say, "Your will be done".  I know it in my head, but I can't always get it to my heart.  I know what I want to say, but sometimes I don't always believe it.  It's such a struggle, but I think God's really working on me with it.  All of this to say that I think I've found that really awesome, omni-present, conversational side of God.  And I have to say that it is amazing.  Granted, it's not perfect seeing as how I'm involved, but it's pretty darn good.

Not too much of a point tonight.  Just more rambling.  But, it always does feel good to get it out.  Until later...

Label My Mind, Blown.

I love the Olympics.  It doesn't even matter who is playing, what sport, or where it is.  I just LOVE the Olympics.  Have I mentioned yet that I love the Olympics?  I know, I know...I hide it well.

I'm currently sitting at my computer at 1:30am, watching clips from today on the screen, while a television behind me is playing another set of highlights.  It's amazing what you can find on this time of night.  And, I'm not even tired yet.  It's not like I've been up since 6:00am, and plan on waking up in about 4 and a half hours or anything.  I think I should be labeled crazy.  Or at least, I think I should get a temporary hiatus from work and school once every two years just so I could sit around and so nothing but watch the games.  It's sickening, really.

Anyways, just thought I'd drop a line and say. "Howdy", seeing as how I haven't been by here in forever.  Sorry.  Don't worry though:  the game is continuing on!  Good luck with this one.

Got to go watch some more highlights.  No time to type.  :)  Till later...

P.S.  I chose the song for today not because it has anything to do with the Olympics (or even sports for that matter), but because Michael Phelps just set the record today for most gold medals won in the Olympics...ever.  He's at 10 already, and doesn't seem like he's going to stop any time soon.  Whew.  I'm officially impressed.

Ballads Of Selective Memory.

I am currently sitting in a class at school, writing this post because I literally have nothing else to do. The geniuses in charge of this whole organization decided that 5-hour classes would be effective and worthwhile, or something like that. Either way, it's ridiculous. So, at least this gives me a chance to get back to all of you, albeit for a brief moment. Although, it's taking me forever to type this because I am CRAVING a Chipotle burrito. There's a store that just opened right around the corner from my school, and it's all I can think about right now. That's what happens when you run out of the house late, without a proper morning meal. Anyways, is it pathetic that I'm only listening to the teacher long enough to hear him say, "Take your 30 minute break and I'll see you back here in a bit", so that I can get a burrito? Hmm...

Anyways, like I said: school. Boring. The good news is I only have to go four times a week. The bad news? I have to be there by 8:00am, every day. You all know me and my lack of morning skills. It's tragic, to say the least. So, I've been loading up on hot tea, primarily because I am too tired in the morning to figure out the french press. And the regular coffee pot would take to long. Ergo, I've resorted to hot tea. My current flavor of the week is darjeeling, mostly because it's the only one I can find in the house besides Starbucks passion tea, and also because I am still dying to see the movie, "The Darjeeling Limited". Looks good, but haven't read any reviews. I only saw the small pre-clip on iTunes, "Hotel Chevalier", which I liked. Gosh, I totally sound like I know what I'm talking about, when in reality I don't.

Speaking of movies I want to see, I've been seeing tons of reviews for the movie "Bella". I read some about it online last night, and it seemed good. Lots of controversy in some forums I found, so that means it's got to be good. To make it more impressive, it won the People's Choice Award at the Toronto Film Festival. Either I'll love it, or hate it. Regardless, it'll be a worthwhile watch.

Change of subject (and seeing as how I can't remember if I already mentioned this...), but I applied at my old high school to be an assistant soccer coach. So far, they don't even have a head coach, which terrifies me to no end, but God always has a plan. I'm trying to convince my old middle school coach to come back and be lead coach for this team, which would be amazing in every sense of the word! If I can't convince her with my charming and witty personality, I might just have to fly solo. Terrifying? Yes. Gratifying? Immensely. I know it's something that I can do, but I don't know how long it'll take me to get it right. So, that's my current predicament.

Otherwise, life's keeping me busy. Currently working two jobs, full-time school, and house-sitting for three families in the next two months. It'll be insane, seeing as how soccer might overlap some of it all too. Whew...I'll take a breather when I can.

Sorry again for having gone so long between postings. I've been remiss in the game, and I apologize. I've decided that when I get to 15 total songs used, I'll end the first round of the game. The winner slash all participants will get a very nice gift in the mail. Then, we'll pretty much start all over again. Let me know if you want to start over with the points, or keep going with the current totals for the next round. This whole "game" is still in it's early stages, so I haven't ironed out all the kinks of it yet. So, if I don't have your current address, make sure I get that, por favor.

I guess that's all for today. I'm sure I could say more, but they give me a time limit on "Personal Sites and Social Networking" websites. Those internet nazis....

Back In Your Head.

I'm BACK!

In case you haven't noticed, I've been a little busy.  I'm guessing that "little" is the understatement of the year.  Anyways, I'm free for now, if even for just this tiny bit.  I'm also thinking that updates are necessary: school, work, church and life in general.

School = decent.  

I don't love it nearly as much as I thought I would, but I know in the end that I'll be a better person for it.  I do, for the most part, enjoy what I'm learning, but I think it's that whole learning process that I seem to have a problem with.  And it's hard being around those people all day, too.  I mean, I think I've just been spoiled to always have at least one good friend with me in classes, or see them right after.  It's just been nice to know that the world isn't as bad as it seems.  But, I'm there at school everyday with no consolation that these people are getting any better.  I guess that's the hardest part is that I'm trying so hard to turn their focus to Jesus, but they'd all rather talk about drinking and sex.  I feel like I'm pushing that boulder uphill, with no sign of it getting any easier.  Also, since the school is a year-round program, I'm continuing on through summer, which is not nearly as fun as it sounds.  I mean, it can't be that bad, but it can't be that good either, huh?  Haha.  We'll see how it goes, or if I survive.

Work = less decent than school.  

Not only are the managers completely uncaring when it comes to their employees, but the other employees also break my heart on a daily basis.  They all claim to love God and go to church, then they turn around and get completely wasted.  The other night, three of the girls (who are seniors in high school, mind you) paid off someone to go get them alcohol so they could have a party with their boyfriends afterwards.  It was just really sad.  And I tried to talk to them about it, but there was nothing I could do.  It's just so sad to see people throwing away their lives over something so ridiculous.  Besides, I think I'm going to put my in my 2 weeks in about a month or so.  I want the time off to coach soccer again, and it'll give me a good excuse to not have to work retail for awhile.

Church = not what I would have hoped for, but not the worst thing either.

So, my "serving" church, where I work with the kids and spend time with the young adults groups is alright.  I've never felt super comfortable there, so I guess that's part of the problem.  I'm always a little on the outside of the group, even though I desperately try to tell myself that I completely belong.  I guess I've just been lying to myself about it all for a long time.  I wish I could say that I was at home there, but I don't think it'll ever happen.  I get singled out because I'm different, which I'm very used to at this point in my life, but sometimes it gets to be a little more than I can handle.  However, we've had some new people coming to the young adults group, and I absolutely adore them all.  It makes me feel like I'm finally there for a purpose, if for nothing other than to make them feel welcome and accepted for who they are, unlike I've ever been treated.  Granted, there have been a select few who have reached out to me, and for that I'm truly grateful.  But, I feel like I also need to be there for all of these new additions as well.  I don't want them getting tossed aside because they don't have a long-standing history there.  So, in that area of my life, I think I've found a purpose, however temporary.

Life in general = not bad, and nothing really to complain about.

For the most part, it's going pretty well.  I'm still living at home, which would make one think that I get to see my parents a lot, but I rarely do.  Between work and school, I'm hardly home.  And when I am there, I'm usually so busy getting projects done, or working on things for church that I just don't have the time.  So, the rare moments that I do get to see them all is a blessing.  I miss the days when I was much younger and had zero responsibilities.  Other than that, things are good.  Not perfect by any means, but if they were then I'd be worried.  It's always when things are going great that bad things start happening...at least to me.  I stop relying on God as much, and He always has a way of making sure I know that He's still there.  So, I'm content with a "not bad" life right now.  It kind of suits me.

Whew.  I finally posted, after over a month.  Sorry I've been so remiss.  I'll have to keep going, if for nothing else than to continue on with the GOLD STAR CHALLENGE!  As you can see, Rachel's leading, but not by a lot.  It's still anyone's game.  So, until I have time again...

...chau. 

P.S.  I chose the song title for today, because I figured after being gone for so long you'd probably all forgot about me.  But now, I'm "back in your head".  Funny (and slightly creepy) all at the same time.  And, this is one of my favorite songs at the moment, by one of my favorite bands of all time.

Clever Girls Like Clever Boys Much More Than Clever Boys Like Clever Girls.

Kerri has definitely come from behind in the Gold Star Challenge.  She beat Caroline to that last one by about 2 hours, which is impressive.  Rachel...where have you gone?  You were originally the one to beat, but now you're tied for first.  Whan whan. (Kerri, that was for you.)  

Anyways, hope you all had a good time with your mothers today, seeing as how it was their day and all.  I made dinner tonight, and it didn't taste terrible, so I was pretty proud.  Not going to lie.  Other than that, it wasn't a perfect day.  But, I've burdened you all enough with that lately, so I'll digress.

So, I promised a slightly more upbeat post, and here I am to provide one.  And on a completely random topic that has made me really happy lately: texting.  More specifically, texting with Caroline.  There's just something about it that always brightens my day and quite literally makes me laugh out loud.  I'm also pretty sure that our conversations never even flow, but instead are just filled with random things that eventually all tie-in together, or are just individually awesome.  And, she uses perfect punctuation.  Ah, my favorite.  In honor of how great I think they are, I decided to post some of my favorites, from the last month or so, just so you all can enjoy them too.  Okay?  Here goes...

Caroline: Wish I had no responsibility on this earth but to sleep and watch Gilmore Girls, cuz I would happily and fabulously do both of those right now.

Me: Add "eat chocolate chip cookies" to the list and you got yourself a ditto. 

________________________________________________

Caroline: Oh, and you are now on my phone's speed dial.  I've never used speed dial before, but as I have a few numbers I call all the time, I decided to stop rebelling.

________________________________________________

Caroline: Lesson Of The Day #1: There are some managers you can joke around with, and there are some you cannot.  Know the difference, and act accordingly.

Me: And can I say how much I love our texting banter?  I think I may even blog about it.

And, so I did.  Hope you liked it.  I'll share more about my own life later.  That is, if anyone can even take anymore at this point. :)  <--  See how bad it's gotten?  Now I'm doing emoticon smileys.  What is this world coming to?  

Hooray For Shipwreck.

So much has happened since I last posted.  And, it's only been about a week, which I admit it much too long to go without the Gold Star Challenge.  Sorry about that.  I'll see if I can improve on that from now on.  

So, school has been busy.  As much as I like all the projects, as opposed to tests, it's much harder to get all those done.  At least with tests, I could pretend to study, and then just not do it.  Much more free time that way.  But, the projects are interesting (most of the time), so it's helpful too.  But, after you've spent your entire school career learning how to cram-and-not-officially-study-for-an-exam, you don't really know how to operate any other way.  So, yeah.  It's tougher than it looks.  However, the people I have classes with make it all worth it.  Well, some of them.  The others just make me feel inadequate.

Well, moving on to work: let's just say....weird.  I'm not even sure how to explain it.  I mean, we had one girl who lied about needing time off to go to Canada, and then came in that same night for dinner.  Then, she just didn't show up for work one day, and no one said anything to her.  It was needless to say, weird.  The fact that the managers didn't do anything about it was the worst.  I wish I could just not come in to work and not get fired.  I'm pretty sure that would be awesome.

So, on Friday before I started my shift, I had about 10 minutes, so I went to check my voicemail.  Of all the people who could have called, it was Alicia.  Now, I hadn't talked to her in about 3 months.  She called to tell me that Kristina's mother-in-law passed away.  My heart sank like a rock.  I was deeply sad for them, and at the same time I felt terrible for not being there for them right at that moment.  We've been so disconnected that I didn't even know what to do.  So, being the mature person that I am, I ran outside to once again bawl my eyes out at work.  All from the same person, but at least this time I had a different reason.  (Now, for those of you who know me, I'm not really the crying type.  Just lately, with about a million things all crashing down at one time, it's been a little harder to keep myself pulled together.)  Let's just say that at work that night, I was a little less than focused.  But, I put on my work face in front of my managers and got through the evening.  

I know that the right thing for me to do would be to go to the funeral service, but at the same time I don't want them to feel uncomfortable.  I know it will be hard enough as it is, and I don't want any added pressure on them.  It's such a dilemma, and I know that I need to make this less about myself, and more focused on them.

The ol' saying, "When it rains, it pours", is no misnomer.  I know that God won't give me more than I can handle, but at times I keep asking Him, "Alright.  Where's the exit for me to get out from under this, because I don't think I can take anymore".  It's just one thing after another that keeps draining me.  Physically, emotionally and definitely spiritually.  I haven't made adequate time to study my Bible, what with everything that is going on around me.  It's my own fault, and I have no one to blame but myself.  Now I just sound like a whiny little kid.  I guess all-in-all, I could use some prayer.  Big time.  And for Kristina and her husband.  I want to know exactly the words to say to them, but at the same time point them right to God.  

Well, once again, this post is a little less cheery than I would have hoped.  Sorry.  I promise I have a really funny one that I'm planning for later though, so I hope it helps to bring a little levity to this blog of mine.  Thanks, guys.  It does help to get it all out knowing that someone else is listening.  

Chau.

Too Much Space To Walk Away.

So, this Gold Star Challenge thing is pretty awesome. I'm not going to lie. Anyways, Kerri finally found the other bands I was looking for. Got them in an email, so it'll still count. The answers were "Coffee And Cigarettes" by Michelle Featherstone, "Sometimes I Doubt Your Commitment To Sparkle Motion" by YACHT, and "Whatever Gets You Through The Day" by The Radio. Rachel and Kerri both answered that last one correctly, and since I got both the answers at the same time, they both got a point. So, yeah. Check the leaderboard. We got ourselves a real competition, folks.

So, I'm not going to lie. Friday was probably one of the worst days at work that I've had in a long time. Now, I know I'm probably just starting to sound like a complainer, and everyone is thinking, "Gosh, Laura. If you hate it so much, why don't you just quit?" And my answer would be, "Income". Moving on...

So, it was your normal, busy night at a restaurant. Crowded, with about a million cranky, hungry people, as well as servers who think that they're God's gift to Red Robin. So, all-in-all, it's not the easiest to be a host on nights like that. But, I do what I can to keep the girls happy and the managers off our backs. But, we still have this one manager who insists on always being right there with us, telling us what to do at all times. And usually, he's wrong. So, guests get upset, servers get upset, and we get upset. It's a lose-lose-lose situation. All that made it bad enough. But then, it got worse.

I was standing there working with the other hosts, when I saw an old "friend" of mine come in the door. I haven't talked to this person in a few months now. And you know what? I was totally alright with not having to see her. What she did to me just hurt me so bad, that I was glad to not have to see her anymore. So, me being the really mature person that I am and desperately wanting to avoid having to talk to her, I ran to the bathroom to hide. Now, I'm not just saying that I ran away. I literally sprinted into one of the stalls. After I thought I was safe, I came out of the stall and would you know my luck, but she walked in right at that time. She gave me this huge hug and started talking to me like there was no problem at all. After she left, I went back into a stall and Caroline waited right outside it to see if I was okay. Let's face it: I wasn't okay. I felt like Addison from Grey's Anatomy when she hid in a bathroom stall and cried while Callie waited outside of it for her.

So, yeah. It was just terrible. I was not doing well the rest of that night. And I know that something like that shouldn't affect me like it did, but let's face it: my mind was a little distracted afterwards. And since then, I just haven't been back to my normal self. Gah. I sound so emo. Oh, well. If I don't mind, then you shoudn't either.

I didn't get to go to church tonight. Way too much homework, and I needed those few extra hours to get my drafting done. And seeing as how I'm closing four (or if I'm lucky, only 3!) nights this week, I need all the time I can get. And speaking of that, I think I'll head off to bed. Thanks for listening slash reading...

...chau.

P.S.  I totally love this song for today's challenge too.  Makes me smile.  And it fits this situation super well too.  Well, at least the title does.  Ah, my own emo-ness never ceases to amaze me.

Whatever Gets You Through Today.

So, I'm in another "blah" mood. Just everything seems to be going at lightning speed, and I can't seem to keep up. Between insane work schedules, lack of free time to see anyone, and school projects that are insane, I think I'm going to lose my mind.

I'm not going to lie: I really hate my job right now. The scheduling is crazy. I gave them the times that I have available, and they keep scheduling me for all the times I said that I wasn't free. And one of my friends at work, Jessica, and I have been closing on the weekends for the past month and a half, or so. Maybe longer. Anyways, I was always closing on Saturdays, and she was always closing on Fridays. So, we asked if someone else could do it, if even just for a week. So, instead of choosing someone else, they just switched it so I'll be closing on Fridays and Jessica will cover Saturdays. Yeah, it's upsetting. But, at the same time I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm working for God, and not for myself, or even my boss. It's one of the hardest things to do when people are yelling at you all the time, but I'm trying to do the best I can.

So, yeah. Not much for today, besides my fruitless venting that will make only me feel better. Sorry for that. But the song challenge for the day was inspired by my horrendously bad week. It's called "Whatever Gets You Through Today", which as well all know is different for every person. What gets my through each day is listening to great music to calm me, and just knowing that at the end of the day, God's never going to give me more than I can handle. A little cliche, but I know that if it's coming at me, then it also means that it's totally do-able.

Ah, God...how awesome you are...

Sometimes I Doubt Your Commitment To Sparkle Motion.

So, there's now another player (hopefully!) in our little GOLD STAR CHALLENGE! Oh, and for those of you who were wondering, that is it's official name. So, good luck, Kerri. And may the best person win.

Speaking of Kerri, I got to meet her for coffee slash lunch yesterday. It was pretty wicked awesome. Reminded me of the old days when we worked at Christian Supply, except that we actually had fun yesterday. Haha. After making a Mac appointment with the guy who was clearly doing nothing, and could have probably helped us right there, I got to show off my school. It's not that impressive of a place, but seeing as how I am there ALL the time, it was nice to have someone else see where I'm going. Besides, who doesn't like to have show & tell?

Well, I had class again today, as I always do. It was fine-ish. I did get done with my CAD project early, so my friend Shay and I walked to Starbucks and drank coffee and people-watched. And I almost fell asleep in those amazingly wonderful chairs. Speaking of that, I almost fell asleep in my lecture class too. It was just too darn hard to stay awake today, what with the weather being all warm and perfect.

But, there was something that made me smile today, even though I was sitting through a terribly long lecture class. Anyways, as I was sitting there, I smelled something. I know that usually means that it's something bad, but this was actually a very pleasant smell. But the weird thing is, is that I don't even know how to describe it. It was sweet, but not like fruit or flowers, but just different. I don't even know what it was. Well, the point to this is that I had one of those sense triggers, or whatever else they call them. You know, like when you smell Christmas trees and it makes you think of the holidays? It's all about those memories that we have associated with various things. Wow, this is a much longer explanation than I originally thought. Anyways, this scent reminded me of my house in Argentina. It just smelled like something familiar and comforting, but I don't even know where it came from. And after about three minutes or so, it was gone. So, at least for those three minutes I was super happy. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I've come to realize lately that if I don't find joy in the little things, I won't be able to see it anywhere. So, yeah.

I guess that's all for now. Off to do my Bible Study homework (which is due tonight!) that I've yet to start. Talk about your procrastination. Well...

...chau.

P.S. Today's song challenge is slightly unfair, I'll admit that. I'm pretty sure that Kerri is the only one who will know this artist off the top of her head, or the movie that inspired it. Everyone else will most definitely have to look it up. I'm not even sure if it's available on iTunes. And for that, I apologize. This title is just too good not to be in the competition, though. But then again, it is only the first person who answers who gets the points. So, technically, it's still anyone's game. Oh, and in case you haven't noticed, there's still a point that is yet to be claimed. Check the leaderboard for the 411.