Back In Your Head.

I'm BACK!

In case you haven't noticed, I've been a little busy.  I'm guessing that "little" is the understatement of the year.  Anyways, I'm free for now, if even for just this tiny bit.  I'm also thinking that updates are necessary: school, work, church and life in general.

School = decent.  

I don't love it nearly as much as I thought I would, but I know in the end that I'll be a better person for it.  I do, for the most part, enjoy what I'm learning, but I think it's that whole learning process that I seem to have a problem with.  And it's hard being around those people all day, too.  I mean, I think I've just been spoiled to always have at least one good friend with me in classes, or see them right after.  It's just been nice to know that the world isn't as bad as it seems.  But, I'm there at school everyday with no consolation that these people are getting any better.  I guess that's the hardest part is that I'm trying so hard to turn their focus to Jesus, but they'd all rather talk about drinking and sex.  I feel like I'm pushing that boulder uphill, with no sign of it getting any easier.  Also, since the school is a year-round program, I'm continuing on through summer, which is not nearly as fun as it sounds.  I mean, it can't be that bad, but it can't be that good either, huh?  Haha.  We'll see how it goes, or if I survive.

Work = less decent than school.  

Not only are the managers completely uncaring when it comes to their employees, but the other employees also break my heart on a daily basis.  They all claim to love God and go to church, then they turn around and get completely wasted.  The other night, three of the girls (who are seniors in high school, mind you) paid off someone to go get them alcohol so they could have a party with their boyfriends afterwards.  It was just really sad.  And I tried to talk to them about it, but there was nothing I could do.  It's just so sad to see people throwing away their lives over something so ridiculous.  Besides, I think I'm going to put my in my 2 weeks in about a month or so.  I want the time off to coach soccer again, and it'll give me a good excuse to not have to work retail for awhile.

Church = not what I would have hoped for, but not the worst thing either.

So, my "serving" church, where I work with the kids and spend time with the young adults groups is alright.  I've never felt super comfortable there, so I guess that's part of the problem.  I'm always a little on the outside of the group, even though I desperately try to tell myself that I completely belong.  I guess I've just been lying to myself about it all for a long time.  I wish I could say that I was at home there, but I don't think it'll ever happen.  I get singled out because I'm different, which I'm very used to at this point in my life, but sometimes it gets to be a little more than I can handle.  However, we've had some new people coming to the young adults group, and I absolutely adore them all.  It makes me feel like I'm finally there for a purpose, if for nothing other than to make them feel welcome and accepted for who they are, unlike I've ever been treated.  Granted, there have been a select few who have reached out to me, and for that I'm truly grateful.  But, I feel like I also need to be there for all of these new additions as well.  I don't want them getting tossed aside because they don't have a long-standing history there.  So, in that area of my life, I think I've found a purpose, however temporary.

Life in general = not bad, and nothing really to complain about.

For the most part, it's going pretty well.  I'm still living at home, which would make one think that I get to see my parents a lot, but I rarely do.  Between work and school, I'm hardly home.  And when I am there, I'm usually so busy getting projects done, or working on things for church that I just don't have the time.  So, the rare moments that I do get to see them all is a blessing.  I miss the days when I was much younger and had zero responsibilities.  Other than that, things are good.  Not perfect by any means, but if they were then I'd be worried.  It's always when things are going great that bad things start happening...at least to me.  I stop relying on God as much, and He always has a way of making sure I know that He's still there.  So, I'm content with a "not bad" life right now.  It kind of suits me.

Whew.  I finally posted, after over a month.  Sorry I've been so remiss.  I'll have to keep going, if for nothing else than to continue on with the GOLD STAR CHALLENGE!  As you can see, Rachel's leading, but not by a lot.  It's still anyone's game.  So, until I have time again...

...chau. 

P.S.  I chose the song title for today, because I figured after being gone for so long you'd probably all forgot about me.  But now, I'm "back in your head".  Funny (and slightly creepy) all at the same time.  And, this is one of my favorite songs at the moment, by one of my favorite bands of all time.