I'm allowed to have not-so-good days, right? Well, I sure hope so, because the past few days definitely qualified. Nothing big all at once, but just lots and lots of little things that kept falling on me. Like, when you're out in the rain and it's not coming down in sheets, but just enough so you can't wipe the water away from your eyes. That kind of bad day.
Well, I guess I'll start with some of the good type things. I went to a Doorstep event today, which is always rewarding in itself. I got to help with the eye exams, by filling out the forms and putting them in order when they were done. Anyways, it's nice to feel necessary, you know? It wasn't much, but just enough to make me smile.
It really all went downhill from there. I guess I can basically categorize the not-so-goodness into three categories: surface, internal, and soul-breaking sadness. Surface-wise, the Seahawks lost, 20-42, against the Packers. Yeah, it did suck that bad. I always have a positive outlook when it comes to my guys in blue, but it's really hard when everyone else around doesn't share that same view. It makes me feel sad, and breaks little bits of my confidence and enjoyment of the game and throws them away. I know that sounds a little dramatic, but I like feeling good about things. And I feel like I shouldn't anymore, you know? I guess it's a little tough to explain...
As far as internally, it's just been Christians who have been letting me down. Now, I firmly believe that no matter what people around me do, I will always believe in Jesus. After all, he's the only one that is perfect, and therefore the only one we should look too. But, there's usually a couple people who you put on that pedestal, kind of a current day example of what it means to live out Christ. Well, I have some friends like that. And I found out that everything I thought I knew about them was a lie. I believed them to be holy, upright and pure. Instead, I found them to be liars, cheaters and downright immoral. I didn't even know what to do. I no longer can trust a single thing they tell me, because everything I knew before was a lie. That basis of truth that I had is shattered, and I don't feel like investing the time to help rebuild it. I'm just too tired. Wow, that sounds incredibly selfish.
And now we get to the big kahuna: my soul-breaking sadness. (If you know me, I tend to be a little over-dramatic, but go with it. Sometimes, I actually hit it right on the nose.) Anyways, I found out recently that the church some of my friends go to believes that my church (Mars Hill in Seattle) is a cult. I've never talked to me friends about this, so I don't know if they believe this or not. If they don't, why would they keep attending and pledging themselves to a church that professes something other than what they hold to be true? And if they do think I am in a cult by attending my church, why wouldn't they try and stop me? If I had a friend trapped in a cult, I would do everything I could to get them out of it. I just don't see why they won't do the same for me. I guess it all comes down to someone caring enough to fight for you. And, as my friends that I've freely chosen, I had hoped they would care enough. When I was in high school, my guidance counselor always told me that I had no problem making friends. My only problem was meeting someone, and making them a lifelong friend, whether they wanted to or not. It's a blessing in some ways, but also a curse. (That's for you Monk fans out there.) I don't know when to let go, because in my mind, there is no time limit. Maybe I need to learn.
Ah. I feel somewhat better now. It's all out, and no longer bouncing around my head. It was starting to get dark and scary in there. Thanks for listening.
1 comment:
Good for people to know.
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