So, it's been FOREVER since I've posted. With work, school and the hassles of everyday life consistently distracting me, I haven't had all that much time to post. Even now, I only have a few minutes, but I thought I'd drop a line to let you all know that I'm still alive.

Not much going on, besides the usual stuff. Christmas was wonderful with my family this year, and I always look forward to days where we are just hanging out, and completely relaxed. So, that was great. We're leaving for California on the 30th, and spending a few days with family for the New Year. It'll be nice, seeing as how we don't get to spend much time with them. And when we get back, it seems like January is going to be filled with excitement. We're going out to the coast for a day or two, traveling down to Florida, preparing for friends weddings (i.e. me looking for a dress to wear to it, which we all know will take every ounce of strength within me), and winter quarter starting as well. Ugh, too many things happen at the same time.

So, there's a quick rundown. Not much, but enough to keep ya'll interested, eh? Until later...

For Blue Skies.

I'm currently sitting in a dorm room in sunny California. Well, it's getting towards evening so it's not nearly as sunny as it was before, but that's beside the point. Anyways, I'm down here in Santa Clarita visiting Laura at The Master's College. It's actually way more impressive than I imagined, which was a very nice surprise. And this room is fairly decent-sized. Not bad for a Christian college, eh?

Anyways, it's kind of the opposite of my school. For one: everyone at least pretends to love Jesus, whether they actually do or not. I think I've become accustomed to hypocrisy from "Christians" more than I like the blatant disregard of God from non-Christians. (that's just me little sidenote). Number two: there are guys at this school who are NOT gay. Shocking, I know. I didn't even know those type of guys existed anymore. It's so sad that I've become desensitized to it because of my ridiculous school. It's not that I don't love my program, because I really do. It's just that I miss God being a part of my every day walk from people outside of my immediate family, you know?

I've already decided that there's no way I could ever live in a dorm. Way too many girls in a very tiny space. Not that Laura's friends haven't been super nice, because they totally have. They've made me feel very welcome, and I'm grateful for that. But seriously...can you see me living alongside this many other girls? I think I'd lose my mind. Actually, I KNOW I'd lose my mind. I'm glad Laura enjoys it, though. It's about time she had some other really good girlfriends around her, besides just me.

But, I really like it here because people talk about God in every other sentence. It's refreshing. I don't know if these people are more "spiritual", or if it's just that the spirit of God is totally working in this place. It's amazing. And as much as I love it, I don't ever see myself here. I don't feel that tug on my heart from God telling me that this is where I need to be. I feel like as much as I hate my school at times, it's where I'm supposed to be; to witness to those people in a place where God is certainly not accepted. Everyone's just called to their own mission field, eh?

I guess growing up in Christian schools made me realize that I don't want to live in the bubble anymore. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but for me it feels to safe. Usually that's what people go for, but I've found I actually trust and rely on God less when I'm comfortable. I tend to think that it's my own doing, instead of His, and my thoughts and ideas get averted from His. So, while some may think that this is the perfect place for them, at this time I know that it's just not mine. It's kind of comforting in a way, because I never tend to know what God wants for me. At least with this, I know what I don't want. Kind of the same-ish, eh?

And on a totally different topic: this is the last post of the GOLD STAR CHALLENGE, Round One. I'll get user feedback later on to see how it was accepted, and we'll see if it goes into another round. Good luck on this last one, everyone! Oh, and if I don't have your addresses (which I know I don't have anyone's...), get them to me sometime within the next two weeks. I'll be on break from school, so I'll actually have time to run down to the post office. Haha. And instead of posting them on here, feel free to email it to me at razzberry287@hotmail.com.

Until later....

Salesman At The Day Of The Parade.

So, as we all know, I'm not that girly. I've tried and tried, but the majority of the "girly" things just seems to escape me. However, if there was one thing that I really have down, that would be shopping. In fact, I am an expert shopper. If shopping was an Olympic sport, I would be the gold medalist.

That being said, I have found a great online place to shop. It's called JesusBranded, and it's amazing. See, I always like being obvious about my faith, but I don't like to do it in a cheesy, over-the-top, ridiculous "Jesus Loves You", with a big smiley face, kind of way. I just feel stupid when I do that. So, the awesome thing is that JesusBranded has those kind of shirts that are obvious about your faith, without looking ridiculous.

It's also got that slight, urban-indierock feel to the style, so I love it even more. It's like someone reached into my brain and said, "Oh, let's make clothes like her". Yeah, it's that good. So, check it out. (http://jesusbranded.com/) I'm a fan. Therefore, you should be too. Deal? Deal.

Until later...

P.S. The song for the day is from one of my new favorite bands. I'm usually the first to find someone awesome, but this time I got this from a friend, and I've never been happier. So, after you figure out who it is, feel free to listen to them...A LOT. And, repeatedly.

http://www.JesusBranded.com">Christian Shirts

Wrapped In Piano Strings.

I've come to realize that I'm not deep.  I'm not very philosophical.  I think I've always wanted to be, but wanting never makes things so.  I read through books, blogs, articles, etc. to see how others view things.  And then I think to myself, "Why aren't I like that?  Why can't I come up with things like they do?".  I still have no good answer for that.  But, I have come to realize that I don't need a good answer.  The best I can do is accept that I am who I am, and my philosophical mind can only be stretched so far, regardless of how I want it to go.

I've noticed that I pray more.  It's not that I didn't pray before.  It was that I had my "scheduled" times.  You know the routine: wake up, pray, eat lunch, pray, dinner, pray, go to bed, pray.  And I'm not saying those things are bad, but for me they were.  I was used to it.  I didn't talk to God because I wanted to, but because I knew I should.  I think it was more out of guilt that an actual prayer.  But lately, I've just been praying whenever.  I'll be driving and I'll find myself talking out loud and laughing in the car, as if He was sitting shotgun.  And sometimes I'm so angry with Him, I'll just be yelling at the top of my lungs.  There are times when I get so frustrated too, because I just can't always bring myself to say, "Your will be done".  I know it in my head, but I can't always get it to my heart.  I know what I want to say, but sometimes I don't always believe it.  It's such a struggle, but I think God's really working on me with it.  All of this to say that I think I've found that really awesome, omni-present, conversational side of God.  And I have to say that it is amazing.  Granted, it's not perfect seeing as how I'm involved, but it's pretty darn good.

Not too much of a point tonight.  Just more rambling.  But, it always does feel good to get it out.  Until later...

Label My Mind, Blown.

I love the Olympics.  It doesn't even matter who is playing, what sport, or where it is.  I just LOVE the Olympics.  Have I mentioned yet that I love the Olympics?  I know, I know...I hide it well.

I'm currently sitting at my computer at 1:30am, watching clips from today on the screen, while a television behind me is playing another set of highlights.  It's amazing what you can find on this time of night.  And, I'm not even tired yet.  It's not like I've been up since 6:00am, and plan on waking up in about 4 and a half hours or anything.  I think I should be labeled crazy.  Or at least, I think I should get a temporary hiatus from work and school once every two years just so I could sit around and so nothing but watch the games.  It's sickening, really.

Anyways, just thought I'd drop a line and say. "Howdy", seeing as how I haven't been by here in forever.  Sorry.  Don't worry though:  the game is continuing on!  Good luck with this one.

Got to go watch some more highlights.  No time to type.  :)  Till later...

P.S.  I chose the song for today not because it has anything to do with the Olympics (or even sports for that matter), but because Michael Phelps just set the record today for most gold medals won in the Olympics...ever.  He's at 10 already, and doesn't seem like he's going to stop any time soon.  Whew.  I'm officially impressed.

Ballads Of Selective Memory.

I am currently sitting in a class at school, writing this post because I literally have nothing else to do. The geniuses in charge of this whole organization decided that 5-hour classes would be effective and worthwhile, or something like that. Either way, it's ridiculous. So, at least this gives me a chance to get back to all of you, albeit for a brief moment. Although, it's taking me forever to type this because I am CRAVING a Chipotle burrito. There's a store that just opened right around the corner from my school, and it's all I can think about right now. That's what happens when you run out of the house late, without a proper morning meal. Anyways, is it pathetic that I'm only listening to the teacher long enough to hear him say, "Take your 30 minute break and I'll see you back here in a bit", so that I can get a burrito? Hmm...

Anyways, like I said: school. Boring. The good news is I only have to go four times a week. The bad news? I have to be there by 8:00am, every day. You all know me and my lack of morning skills. It's tragic, to say the least. So, I've been loading up on hot tea, primarily because I am too tired in the morning to figure out the french press. And the regular coffee pot would take to long. Ergo, I've resorted to hot tea. My current flavor of the week is darjeeling, mostly because it's the only one I can find in the house besides Starbucks passion tea, and also because I am still dying to see the movie, "The Darjeeling Limited". Looks good, but haven't read any reviews. I only saw the small pre-clip on iTunes, "Hotel Chevalier", which I liked. Gosh, I totally sound like I know what I'm talking about, when in reality I don't.

Speaking of movies I want to see, I've been seeing tons of reviews for the movie "Bella". I read some about it online last night, and it seemed good. Lots of controversy in some forums I found, so that means it's got to be good. To make it more impressive, it won the People's Choice Award at the Toronto Film Festival. Either I'll love it, or hate it. Regardless, it'll be a worthwhile watch.

Change of subject (and seeing as how I can't remember if I already mentioned this...), but I applied at my old high school to be an assistant soccer coach. So far, they don't even have a head coach, which terrifies me to no end, but God always has a plan. I'm trying to convince my old middle school coach to come back and be lead coach for this team, which would be amazing in every sense of the word! If I can't convince her with my charming and witty personality, I might just have to fly solo. Terrifying? Yes. Gratifying? Immensely. I know it's something that I can do, but I don't know how long it'll take me to get it right. So, that's my current predicament.

Otherwise, life's keeping me busy. Currently working two jobs, full-time school, and house-sitting for three families in the next two months. It'll be insane, seeing as how soccer might overlap some of it all too. Whew...I'll take a breather when I can.

Sorry again for having gone so long between postings. I've been remiss in the game, and I apologize. I've decided that when I get to 15 total songs used, I'll end the first round of the game. The winner slash all participants will get a very nice gift in the mail. Then, we'll pretty much start all over again. Let me know if you want to start over with the points, or keep going with the current totals for the next round. This whole "game" is still in it's early stages, so I haven't ironed out all the kinks of it yet. So, if I don't have your current address, make sure I get that, por favor.

I guess that's all for today. I'm sure I could say more, but they give me a time limit on "Personal Sites and Social Networking" websites. Those internet nazis....

Back In Your Head.

I'm BACK!

In case you haven't noticed, I've been a little busy.  I'm guessing that "little" is the understatement of the year.  Anyways, I'm free for now, if even for just this tiny bit.  I'm also thinking that updates are necessary: school, work, church and life in general.

School = decent.  

I don't love it nearly as much as I thought I would, but I know in the end that I'll be a better person for it.  I do, for the most part, enjoy what I'm learning, but I think it's that whole learning process that I seem to have a problem with.  And it's hard being around those people all day, too.  I mean, I think I've just been spoiled to always have at least one good friend with me in classes, or see them right after.  It's just been nice to know that the world isn't as bad as it seems.  But, I'm there at school everyday with no consolation that these people are getting any better.  I guess that's the hardest part is that I'm trying so hard to turn their focus to Jesus, but they'd all rather talk about drinking and sex.  I feel like I'm pushing that boulder uphill, with no sign of it getting any easier.  Also, since the school is a year-round program, I'm continuing on through summer, which is not nearly as fun as it sounds.  I mean, it can't be that bad, but it can't be that good either, huh?  Haha.  We'll see how it goes, or if I survive.

Work = less decent than school.  

Not only are the managers completely uncaring when it comes to their employees, but the other employees also break my heart on a daily basis.  They all claim to love God and go to church, then they turn around and get completely wasted.  The other night, three of the girls (who are seniors in high school, mind you) paid off someone to go get them alcohol so they could have a party with their boyfriends afterwards.  It was just really sad.  And I tried to talk to them about it, but there was nothing I could do.  It's just so sad to see people throwing away their lives over something so ridiculous.  Besides, I think I'm going to put my in my 2 weeks in about a month or so.  I want the time off to coach soccer again, and it'll give me a good excuse to not have to work retail for awhile.

Church = not what I would have hoped for, but not the worst thing either.

So, my "serving" church, where I work with the kids and spend time with the young adults groups is alright.  I've never felt super comfortable there, so I guess that's part of the problem.  I'm always a little on the outside of the group, even though I desperately try to tell myself that I completely belong.  I guess I've just been lying to myself about it all for a long time.  I wish I could say that I was at home there, but I don't think it'll ever happen.  I get singled out because I'm different, which I'm very used to at this point in my life, but sometimes it gets to be a little more than I can handle.  However, we've had some new people coming to the young adults group, and I absolutely adore them all.  It makes me feel like I'm finally there for a purpose, if for nothing other than to make them feel welcome and accepted for who they are, unlike I've ever been treated.  Granted, there have been a select few who have reached out to me, and for that I'm truly grateful.  But, I feel like I also need to be there for all of these new additions as well.  I don't want them getting tossed aside because they don't have a long-standing history there.  So, in that area of my life, I think I've found a purpose, however temporary.

Life in general = not bad, and nothing really to complain about.

For the most part, it's going pretty well.  I'm still living at home, which would make one think that I get to see my parents a lot, but I rarely do.  Between work and school, I'm hardly home.  And when I am there, I'm usually so busy getting projects done, or working on things for church that I just don't have the time.  So, the rare moments that I do get to see them all is a blessing.  I miss the days when I was much younger and had zero responsibilities.  Other than that, things are good.  Not perfect by any means, but if they were then I'd be worried.  It's always when things are going great that bad things start happening...at least to me.  I stop relying on God as much, and He always has a way of making sure I know that He's still there.  So, I'm content with a "not bad" life right now.  It kind of suits me.

Whew.  I finally posted, after over a month.  Sorry I've been so remiss.  I'll have to keep going, if for nothing else than to continue on with the GOLD STAR CHALLENGE!  As you can see, Rachel's leading, but not by a lot.  It's still anyone's game.  So, until I have time again...

...chau. 

P.S.  I chose the song title for today, because I figured after being gone for so long you'd probably all forgot about me.  But now, I'm "back in your head".  Funny (and slightly creepy) all at the same time.  And, this is one of my favorite songs at the moment, by one of my favorite bands of all time.

Clever Girls Like Clever Boys Much More Than Clever Boys Like Clever Girls.

Kerri has definitely come from behind in the Gold Star Challenge.  She beat Caroline to that last one by about 2 hours, which is impressive.  Rachel...where have you gone?  You were originally the one to beat, but now you're tied for first.  Whan whan. (Kerri, that was for you.)  

Anyways, hope you all had a good time with your mothers today, seeing as how it was their day and all.  I made dinner tonight, and it didn't taste terrible, so I was pretty proud.  Not going to lie.  Other than that, it wasn't a perfect day.  But, I've burdened you all enough with that lately, so I'll digress.

So, I promised a slightly more upbeat post, and here I am to provide one.  And on a completely random topic that has made me really happy lately: texting.  More specifically, texting with Caroline.  There's just something about it that always brightens my day and quite literally makes me laugh out loud.  I'm also pretty sure that our conversations never even flow, but instead are just filled with random things that eventually all tie-in together, or are just individually awesome.  And, she uses perfect punctuation.  Ah, my favorite.  In honor of how great I think they are, I decided to post some of my favorites, from the last month or so, just so you all can enjoy them too.  Okay?  Here goes...

Caroline: Wish I had no responsibility on this earth but to sleep and watch Gilmore Girls, cuz I would happily and fabulously do both of those right now.

Me: Add "eat chocolate chip cookies" to the list and you got yourself a ditto. 

________________________________________________

Caroline: Oh, and you are now on my phone's speed dial.  I've never used speed dial before, but as I have a few numbers I call all the time, I decided to stop rebelling.

________________________________________________

Caroline: Lesson Of The Day #1: There are some managers you can joke around with, and there are some you cannot.  Know the difference, and act accordingly.

Me: And can I say how much I love our texting banter?  I think I may even blog about it.

And, so I did.  Hope you liked it.  I'll share more about my own life later.  That is, if anyone can even take anymore at this point. :)  <--  See how bad it's gotten?  Now I'm doing emoticon smileys.  What is this world coming to?  

Hooray For Shipwreck.

So much has happened since I last posted.  And, it's only been about a week, which I admit it much too long to go without the Gold Star Challenge.  Sorry about that.  I'll see if I can improve on that from now on.  

So, school has been busy.  As much as I like all the projects, as opposed to tests, it's much harder to get all those done.  At least with tests, I could pretend to study, and then just not do it.  Much more free time that way.  But, the projects are interesting (most of the time), so it's helpful too.  But, after you've spent your entire school career learning how to cram-and-not-officially-study-for-an-exam, you don't really know how to operate any other way.  So, yeah.  It's tougher than it looks.  However, the people I have classes with make it all worth it.  Well, some of them.  The others just make me feel inadequate.

Well, moving on to work: let's just say....weird.  I'm not even sure how to explain it.  I mean, we had one girl who lied about needing time off to go to Canada, and then came in that same night for dinner.  Then, she just didn't show up for work one day, and no one said anything to her.  It was needless to say, weird.  The fact that the managers didn't do anything about it was the worst.  I wish I could just not come in to work and not get fired.  I'm pretty sure that would be awesome.

So, on Friday before I started my shift, I had about 10 minutes, so I went to check my voicemail.  Of all the people who could have called, it was Alicia.  Now, I hadn't talked to her in about 3 months.  She called to tell me that Kristina's mother-in-law passed away.  My heart sank like a rock.  I was deeply sad for them, and at the same time I felt terrible for not being there for them right at that moment.  We've been so disconnected that I didn't even know what to do.  So, being the mature person that I am, I ran outside to once again bawl my eyes out at work.  All from the same person, but at least this time I had a different reason.  (Now, for those of you who know me, I'm not really the crying type.  Just lately, with about a million things all crashing down at one time, it's been a little harder to keep myself pulled together.)  Let's just say that at work that night, I was a little less than focused.  But, I put on my work face in front of my managers and got through the evening.  

I know that the right thing for me to do would be to go to the funeral service, but at the same time I don't want them to feel uncomfortable.  I know it will be hard enough as it is, and I don't want any added pressure on them.  It's such a dilemma, and I know that I need to make this less about myself, and more focused on them.

The ol' saying, "When it rains, it pours", is no misnomer.  I know that God won't give me more than I can handle, but at times I keep asking Him, "Alright.  Where's the exit for me to get out from under this, because I don't think I can take anymore".  It's just one thing after another that keeps draining me.  Physically, emotionally and definitely spiritually.  I haven't made adequate time to study my Bible, what with everything that is going on around me.  It's my own fault, and I have no one to blame but myself.  Now I just sound like a whiny little kid.  I guess all-in-all, I could use some prayer.  Big time.  And for Kristina and her husband.  I want to know exactly the words to say to them, but at the same time point them right to God.  

Well, once again, this post is a little less cheery than I would have hoped.  Sorry.  I promise I have a really funny one that I'm planning for later though, so I hope it helps to bring a little levity to this blog of mine.  Thanks, guys.  It does help to get it all out knowing that someone else is listening.  

Chau.

Too Much Space To Walk Away.

So, this Gold Star Challenge thing is pretty awesome. I'm not going to lie. Anyways, Kerri finally found the other bands I was looking for. Got them in an email, so it'll still count. The answers were "Coffee And Cigarettes" by Michelle Featherstone, "Sometimes I Doubt Your Commitment To Sparkle Motion" by YACHT, and "Whatever Gets You Through The Day" by The Radio. Rachel and Kerri both answered that last one correctly, and since I got both the answers at the same time, they both got a point. So, yeah. Check the leaderboard. We got ourselves a real competition, folks.

So, I'm not going to lie. Friday was probably one of the worst days at work that I've had in a long time. Now, I know I'm probably just starting to sound like a complainer, and everyone is thinking, "Gosh, Laura. If you hate it so much, why don't you just quit?" And my answer would be, "Income". Moving on...

So, it was your normal, busy night at a restaurant. Crowded, with about a million cranky, hungry people, as well as servers who think that they're God's gift to Red Robin. So, all-in-all, it's not the easiest to be a host on nights like that. But, I do what I can to keep the girls happy and the managers off our backs. But, we still have this one manager who insists on always being right there with us, telling us what to do at all times. And usually, he's wrong. So, guests get upset, servers get upset, and we get upset. It's a lose-lose-lose situation. All that made it bad enough. But then, it got worse.

I was standing there working with the other hosts, when I saw an old "friend" of mine come in the door. I haven't talked to this person in a few months now. And you know what? I was totally alright with not having to see her. What she did to me just hurt me so bad, that I was glad to not have to see her anymore. So, me being the really mature person that I am and desperately wanting to avoid having to talk to her, I ran to the bathroom to hide. Now, I'm not just saying that I ran away. I literally sprinted into one of the stalls. After I thought I was safe, I came out of the stall and would you know my luck, but she walked in right at that time. She gave me this huge hug and started talking to me like there was no problem at all. After she left, I went back into a stall and Caroline waited right outside it to see if I was okay. Let's face it: I wasn't okay. I felt like Addison from Grey's Anatomy when she hid in a bathroom stall and cried while Callie waited outside of it for her.

So, yeah. It was just terrible. I was not doing well the rest of that night. And I know that something like that shouldn't affect me like it did, but let's face it: my mind was a little distracted afterwards. And since then, I just haven't been back to my normal self. Gah. I sound so emo. Oh, well. If I don't mind, then you shoudn't either.

I didn't get to go to church tonight. Way too much homework, and I needed those few extra hours to get my drafting done. And seeing as how I'm closing four (or if I'm lucky, only 3!) nights this week, I need all the time I can get. And speaking of that, I think I'll head off to bed. Thanks for listening slash reading...

...chau.

P.S.  I totally love this song for today's challenge too.  Makes me smile.  And it fits this situation super well too.  Well, at least the title does.  Ah, my own emo-ness never ceases to amaze me.

Whatever Gets You Through Today.

So, I'm in another "blah" mood. Just everything seems to be going at lightning speed, and I can't seem to keep up. Between insane work schedules, lack of free time to see anyone, and school projects that are insane, I think I'm going to lose my mind.

I'm not going to lie: I really hate my job right now. The scheduling is crazy. I gave them the times that I have available, and they keep scheduling me for all the times I said that I wasn't free. And one of my friends at work, Jessica, and I have been closing on the weekends for the past month and a half, or so. Maybe longer. Anyways, I was always closing on Saturdays, and she was always closing on Fridays. So, we asked if someone else could do it, if even just for a week. So, instead of choosing someone else, they just switched it so I'll be closing on Fridays and Jessica will cover Saturdays. Yeah, it's upsetting. But, at the same time I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm working for God, and not for myself, or even my boss. It's one of the hardest things to do when people are yelling at you all the time, but I'm trying to do the best I can.

So, yeah. Not much for today, besides my fruitless venting that will make only me feel better. Sorry for that. But the song challenge for the day was inspired by my horrendously bad week. It's called "Whatever Gets You Through Today", which as well all know is different for every person. What gets my through each day is listening to great music to calm me, and just knowing that at the end of the day, God's never going to give me more than I can handle. A little cliche, but I know that if it's coming at me, then it also means that it's totally do-able.

Ah, God...how awesome you are...

Sometimes I Doubt Your Commitment To Sparkle Motion.

So, there's now another player (hopefully!) in our little GOLD STAR CHALLENGE! Oh, and for those of you who were wondering, that is it's official name. So, good luck, Kerri. And may the best person win.

Speaking of Kerri, I got to meet her for coffee slash lunch yesterday. It was pretty wicked awesome. Reminded me of the old days when we worked at Christian Supply, except that we actually had fun yesterday. Haha. After making a Mac appointment with the guy who was clearly doing nothing, and could have probably helped us right there, I got to show off my school. It's not that impressive of a place, but seeing as how I am there ALL the time, it was nice to have someone else see where I'm going. Besides, who doesn't like to have show & tell?

Well, I had class again today, as I always do. It was fine-ish. I did get done with my CAD project early, so my friend Shay and I walked to Starbucks and drank coffee and people-watched. And I almost fell asleep in those amazingly wonderful chairs. Speaking of that, I almost fell asleep in my lecture class too. It was just too darn hard to stay awake today, what with the weather being all warm and perfect.

But, there was something that made me smile today, even though I was sitting through a terribly long lecture class. Anyways, as I was sitting there, I smelled something. I know that usually means that it's something bad, but this was actually a very pleasant smell. But the weird thing is, is that I don't even know how to describe it. It was sweet, but not like fruit or flowers, but just different. I don't even know what it was. Well, the point to this is that I had one of those sense triggers, or whatever else they call them. You know, like when you smell Christmas trees and it makes you think of the holidays? It's all about those memories that we have associated with various things. Wow, this is a much longer explanation than I originally thought. Anyways, this scent reminded me of my house in Argentina. It just smelled like something familiar and comforting, but I don't even know where it came from. And after about three minutes or so, it was gone. So, at least for those three minutes I was super happy. I know this sounds ridiculous, but I've come to realize lately that if I don't find joy in the little things, I won't be able to see it anywhere. So, yeah.

I guess that's all for now. Off to do my Bible Study homework (which is due tonight!) that I've yet to start. Talk about your procrastination. Well...

...chau.

P.S. Today's song challenge is slightly unfair, I'll admit that. I'm pretty sure that Kerri is the only one who will know this artist off the top of her head, or the movie that inspired it. Everyone else will most definitely have to look it up. I'm not even sure if it's available on iTunes. And for that, I apologize. This title is just too good not to be in the competition, though. But then again, it is only the first person who answers who gets the points. So, technically, it's still anyone's game. Oh, and in case you haven't noticed, there's still a point that is yet to be claimed. Check the leaderboard for the 411.

Good Morning, Hypocrite.

I'm not a "bad kid".  Frankly, I never have been.  I didn't do all those rebellious things that seemingly everyone else did while they were growing up.  My parents always joke and say that I got all my "rebellion" out early...around 3 years old.  That's when I started deciding what I was going to wear, how I was going to look, who I was going to be friends with, etc.  By the time I hit that "crucial age", I had already got it out of my system.  For example, I don't smoke.  I never drank before I was 21 (and even now, I've had only one.).  I don't have sex and therefore I've never gotten pregnant.  I don't do drugs, and I try my hardest not to swear.  So, why is it that I feel like a worse person for not doing all these things?  It seems that everyone I work with is so obsessed with breaking some kind of commandment that it's the norm around there.  And while it breaks my heart, it also makes me feel like I've been cut out of the loop somehow.  And while it makes me sad to not be included in their conversations, I am also thrilled that I'm not, you know?  Does this even make any sense?  I feel like I'm getting to that point where I'm just rambling aimlessly.  I guess what it boils down to is that I'm happy where I'm at and what I've done or not done.  I don't like feeling like an outsider, but if this is the reason that I'm considered one, then so be it.  I'd rather be labeled as "weird" for not doing these things than compromising what I know to be right just to fit in.  I've never been one to follow the crowd either, so it suits me.  I just wish it was something that I didn't have to deal with every day.  Then again, God has put me in this position for a reason.  I know, I know..."Laura talks about God too much"...well, here I go again.  

So, yeah.  This started out as a rant slash complain, but I'm thinking that it ended a whole lot better.  I never seem to really grasp an insight until I've gotten it all out, and forced someone else to deal with it too.  Haha.  So, thanks.  For both of you who read this, it's nice to know I have someone who'll listen.

Again...chau.

P.S.  I've recently become a huge fan of ampersands.  Just saying that makes me sound brilliant.  Anyways, it's those little "&" symbols.  I've never been able to draw them, till the other day I tried it and realized that I could and how awesome I feel when I do.  I know this sounds silly, but I'll intentionally write out lists sometimes, just so I can draw a little "&" to brighten my day.  Haha...what a nerd I am.

File This Under Great Ideas At The Time.

I'm listening to a record right now.  Yes, an actual record.  There's just something about records that evoke certain emotions you never knew you had.  I love it.  It makes me smile just a little bit inside, and as cheesy as that sounds, I need it every once and awhile.

Got home from a moderately decent work day, which for me is outstanding.  It went downhill from there, but that's another story for another day.  Basically, I'm thinking that everyone needs to finish school and move back up here so I can move out of my house and keep going to my school.  Yes, it's all about me once again.

I did have many insightful things to write tonight, but seeing as how my mind is very clouded due to anxiety, stress and Tylenol Cold, I think I'll just keep it short.  And in case the two of you who read this are wondering, the last blog's song challenge is still going.  No right answer as of yet, so it's open till someone gets it.  So, get to those search engines and type your little fingers out.  

As for this one, I'm not a huge fan of the band (or song for that matter), seeing as how screaming can sometimes be labeled as singing, but I do like the guitar solos and whatnot.  It definitely falls into my mediocre-like category.  And, I'm pretty sure what sells me the most on this is the song title.  How can "File This Under Great Ideas At The Time" not be a wonderful title?  The song should just be amazing from there on out.  But I must say, the title definitely redeems it.  And seeing as how this was going to be a deep, possibly-philosophical-but-in-reality-completely-ridiculous post, I thought it was quite appropriate with the way it turned out.

So, yeah.  Once again, I have no good closing remarks.  I should come up with a tagline, or slogan.  As a placeholder till I think of something better...

...chau.

Coffee And Cigarettes.

I'm kind of sick today. And by that I mean, I just feel kind of "blah". You know that whole achy-not-up-to-par-but-not-completely-worthless feeling? Yeah, that's where I'm at. Luckily, I got out of work today because one of the girls said that she'd cover for me. It's about time, seeing as how I've covered for her a bunch. I still had to go in to work today though, to attend a meeting and go through my mentoring program. It's not that bad though, seeing as how my mentor is one of my super good friends. Makes it much easier and a whole lot less stressful, you know? Ah, it was just nice to have time to get a little better, even if it's just for one night.

So, Rachel is the winner for the first gold star challenge! And, since I never specified how to go about finding the answer, anything is up for grabs. It's all about being able to have fun with the music, and get others to listen to it too. I started a points tally along the right hand side of the page, and who ever's in the lead will be the top name. So, enjoy. In case you missed the answer, it was "Today Has Been OK" by Emiliana Torrini. There's just something that I love about this song. Talking about how there are so many hardships that come our way, but just taking it one day at a time makes it bearable. My favorite line is near the end, where she says, "...life has been insane, but today has been okay". That's just how I feel about 90% of the time, so to hear it in song makes things so much better and reassuring. Silly, I know.

So, today's blog title slash song challenge is one of my favorite songs. Not really sure why. Maybe it's the laid-back sound, or maybe it's the lyrics. After you figure out who the artist is, listen to the voice and read the lyrics (if you have the time). Amazing.

So, good luck. And I'll be back later.

Today Has Been OK.

So, I know that I just posted, but I thought I'd try to be a little more consistent on this. (Watch, after I say this, I probably won't post for another three weeks). Anyways, I had one of those "blah" kind of days. Not really sure why, but there was nothing spectacular at school, or particularly out of the ordinary. Besides the fact that my teacher played Cher during work time, it was pretty much normal. While many of you may say, "Playing Cher during class is normal?!?!", I would answer, "This is design school, so....yes".

As I've said, it's just been "blah". I've got this thing going on that is an incredibly long story, which some of you may already know. Anyways, it's just been getting to me lately. Getting me down, I guess.

So, I've decided to start a new thing. It's sort of a challenge, but not in a huge-over-the-top kind of way. Basically, I'm going to extract my "emo-side" and see if I can name all my consecutive blog posts after song titles. And, as an extra bonus for the two of you who read this (wink*wink), if you can name the artist, I'll give you a point slash gold star! Let's face it: in the end, the only thing the winner will get is the satisfaction of being the winner. And maybe a larger music library.

So, go. Starting now, I'll keep points. Again, blog title for today: "Today Has Been OK" by _____?

That's all for today. Good luck.

Rachel...this is for you. :)

So, I've started another quarter at school, which is very different than anything I could ever expect. It's only my second week, and I've already had 4 projects due. Talk about fast moving and challenging. Anyways, it's nice to experience something different. While I cannot say that it's been the best time of my life (thus far), it's not the worst either. However, I've found the absolute best room at school. Technically, it's not at my school, but instead in the adjacent building. Semantics aside, I've found it: the closest coffee shop. It's called Hot Shots Espresso, and they serve snacks, Italian sodas, and most importantly...COFFEE. Yeah, it's an addiction and I just don't feel like kicking it quite yet. But, at least I don't have to walk all the way down the street to the Starbucks housed in the Barnes & Noble. Haha. I sound like a lazy bum...

On another note, I got to house-sit last week, for a family from church that went on a short vacation. They had two adorable dogs, that I absolutely loved. Although they were pampered more than I could believe, I was happy to do it. It's nice to be able to help people out when able to, you know?

So, I've been exceedingly busy with everything going on. Along with everyone else, I've been busy at work. Still working at Red Robin, but now I am being trained to be a trainer. Basically, I'll get to work with the incoming hosts and going through what they need to know, as well as being in charge of the host team (for the most part). It's a lot of responsibility, and it's not like I have a ton of time for it, but at the same time it's a great opportunity. Can't wait to be done with all this studying though! Can you believe I have to know what's on every single burger, just for hosting? Yeah, it's crazy...I know.

Anyways, I guess that's all for now. I wish I could say there was more going on in my life than school and work, but not so much for now. More later when actual exciting things are happening... :)

Get wings, take flight.

So, I'm back from beautiful Portland. It was an amazing and surprisingly relaxing trip. I loved spending time with Rachel and Charissa, and it was so nice to catch up with them again. I'd forgotten how much I really miss those girls. Trips to Portland will definitely have to be much more frequent.

Rachel and I arrived there on Wednesday afternoon, and after a full tour of Charissa's work, we went to a restaurant called the Laughing Planet, which served probably the best organic food ever. Yeah, I felt healthy and eco-friendly at the same time. Then, we walked over to the 2-dollar movie theatre, where we saw Enchanted. Now, it may be one of the corniest movies of all times, but it was so corny that it was terrific. Ah, corny never gets old.

The first stop on our coffee tour was a shop called Rimsky's Korsakoffeehouse. I'd give the coffee about a 8.5 out of 10, which on my discerning scale is actually pretty good. But, what you really go there for is the atmosphere. The whole place is eclectic to the max, with the upstairs wallpaper being cut-out magazine faces. All the tables have ticket stubs, notes, scribbles and everything else you could imagine on top, with some of the tables rotating. It's one of those places that you have to experience. Mere words are not enough to describe it. Oh, and if you ever do get to visit it, make sure you check out the bathroom. Trust me; it's worth it. [http://www.rimskys.blogspot.com/]

The next day, Rachel and I ventured out on our own over to 23rd street. While one of the stores we wanted was closed, and the other we missed, it was still amazing. All the little boutiques with completely unique pieces was awesome to see, and along the way we stopped in another coffee house. This one was called Cafe Reese, which had moderately decent coffee: I'd say 6 out of 10. But, after going there, Rachel and I started talking about the cafe, and we think that it might have been a gay coffee house. Yes, Rachel and Laura really are that oblivious. But, at least it makes for an amusing anecdote.

Continuing on our shopping day, we went to Lloyd Center, which was great and huge. After sauntering and taking our own sweet time, we picked up Charissa from work and decided that Target was the way to go. And can you believe that this Target actually had a shopping cart escalator? Yes, it was that good. We piled tons of clothes into the cart, along with basically anything else we thought was necessary. Shopping is way more fun when you're not the only one buying things, that way you get to spend everyone else's money too. Then, Charissa took us over to McMenamin's for dinner. Let me just say this: whoever was the genius that created cajunized tater tots there should be given an award. After returning to Charissa's current crashing pad, we got to meet everyone that was also 'living' there at the time. It was a great house of people who really love Jesus. There's just verses written all over the walls, on beams, on doors, and pretty much anywhere else you can think of. Ah, to have a house like that would be amazing.

Then on Friday, we woke up to snow. Yes, it's the end of March and there was snow. So, after everyone left the house, we played Beatles records way too loud and made 'Winnie the Pooh' pancakes. Then to complete our coffee tour, Charissa took us over to Stumptown, which is apparently the best coffee in Portland. I'd give it a good 8 out of 10. It's all very simple, with a real laidback, indie-rock feeling to it. Another good coffee choice. And then a trip to Powell's to finish off our trip. Powell's happens to be the largest bookstore in the U.S. Room after room, there's more books that you just have to buy. It's mesmerizing to see all those books. So much information to take in, and so little time.

Well, now that I've rambled on and on about a trip that hardly anyone even cares about, I think I'll go to bed. Either that, or I'll go check out the new PostSecret for the week. It's a toss-up. Thanks for listening.

Being vague is almost as fun as doing this other thing...

So, I haven't been away from my blog for that long, but apparently long enough for about a million things to change in life. Well, I'm now the 3rd most senior host at work, due to all the others girls quitting and/or getting fired. So, let's just say it's been very interesting there. And Caroline Watkins is working there with me too, so it makes the day go by so much better. It makes me feel like I'm not the only one there who also loves Jesus.

As for school, I finished my first quarter already. Yes, I know it sounds quick, but it was an accelerated quarter, with 4-hour classes, and just a 5 week term. Starting at the beginning of April it will go back to a normal 11-week term. Not nearly as much fun, but way less stressful. Let me just say, I don't like going back to school, but I know that in the long run it will definately be worth it. And, that whole I-feel-like-I'm-going-to-be-the-normal-one thing is still relevant, but I just found that I'm called to these people. I've already told the few people that I had classes with that I go to Mars Hill, and I even invited them, knowing that they would never say yes. I guess I actually like spending time with those people more because I don't feel like they're judging me all the time. They accept me for who I am, and what I like, regardless of how I look. I'm not going to lie: I really like it there.

Other than that, I haven't been doing much. Been way too busy between work and school to even think about doing anything else. It's like I don't have another life, which apparently I don't. But, I know that this is where God wants me to be right now. Whether or not it's my ideal choice doesn't matter. It's all up to Him. I find it's much easier to get through my day if I keep telling myself that.

Rachel and I are going down to Portland this week. It's only for a few days, but I can't wait to get away and not think about work or school. I've really missed seeing her, so to just spend a few days with her will be perfect (and the tax-free shopping can't hurt either!). Ah, to go on vacation, no matter how short it will be...

I'm just so tired of this.

Agh.
That's basically how I feel after the week I've had.
I could go on and on, but those of you who would actually care, already know.
So, I'll just leave it at that.
It's just nice to know that it's over, and I get a whole new week to start with.
Thank God for that.
You all have no idea.
Most people hate Mondays.
But personally, I can't wait for this one.
Bring it on.
After last week, I'm pretty sure I can take anything thrown at me.

Again? Seriously? SERIOUSLY???

So, good news. I've technically got ANOTHER blog, but this time it's not just my ramblings. There's actually a purpose to the other one. It's for the young adults group at my church. I figured it'd be the least I could do to help and get event info to everyone. So, if you go to Faith, or just want to show up at the events, you are more than welcome. Check out the site and let me know what you think...

www.faithyasm.blogspot.com

Well, hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin.

So many new things ALL happening at the same time. Let's see if I can keep them straight...

Well, I just started a new job. I'm now an official host at Red Robin ("Thanks for joining us today. How many in your party?"). It's not a tough job, and I like it enough. The other girls that I host with are nice, albeit young and completely immoral. I'm just praying that God gives me a heart like His to love and encourage them in the right way. So, it should be interesting.

Also, I'm starting school again! For all of you who said it would never happen, shame on you. Just kidding. But seriously... Anyways, I start next Monday at IADT Seattle. I'm going for my BFA, with a major in Interior Design (feel free to toss out the "art hippie freak" jokes now. Believe me, I've heard them all already). It's really something that I have a passion for, and I can't wait for it to start. It too will be interesting, though. Every time I've been to the school for various things, I find that I'm the one who looks like the stereotypical "normal" kid. And let's face it: I've never been that "normal" one before. It's not that I'm over the top extravagant, I'm just usually the one that everyone I know pegs as the "unusual" one. And I've been okay with that. So, it'll be different to be on the outside for another reason.

And I was supposed to have gone to Spokane last weekend, but alas it did not work out. The passes were so full of snow, that all three heading East were closed basically the entire weekend. Apparently, it's the first time it's been that bad in over 11 years. Of all weekends.... Oh, well. God has a purpose for everything, huh?

And I know I've said it before, but I cannot get over how amazing my church is. Last night, Pastor Mark spoke on faith and works. Listen to the podcast. You won't be disappointed. And if you miss the salvation message in it, you clearly weren't even listening. It was so blatantly obvious, and I smiled the ENTIRE time. And a big part was talking about regeneration, or the work that God does IN us. He gives us a new heart and new desires which coincide with what he wants for us. So amazing on so many levels.

Well, I guess that's all. Ah, to ramble and get it all out feels so good. And refreshing. I should do this more often.

Who wants to play a friendly little game of "Duck, duck, damn"?

So, I went to church tonight. Just saying that sentence makes me feel good all over. I'm glad I have that again. Anyways, at night I go to Mars Hill, which I'm sure I've mentioned before. Can I just say "wonderful"? Not only is the atmosphere incredibly welcoming and comfortable, but I feel a sense of conviction there that I just don't get other places. There's something about the teaching at that church that really hits me. Granted, Pastor Mark's delivery is quite amusing, but if it were only that, it wouldn't keep me coming back. I think it's all about the fact that nothing is sugar-coated or glossed over. It's hard-hitting, accurate theology. Before this church, I can't even remember when I felt so convicted every week. And I have to say as scary as that is, it's one of the best feelings as well.

Anyways, this current series we're going over is called "Religion Saves + Nine Other Misconceptions". Not only is the title brilliant, but the subjects are too. Pastor Mark is covering nine questions that the church body asked and then voted on. The top nine were chosen for this series (kind of like a take off on the book of Corinthians, with the apostle Paul answering that church's questions). This is the third week, and it was all about predestination. Now, I've always believed that God foreknew us and saved us, with absolutely no help from us. Because, if we had had a part in it, then it would have shown God to need us, which He clearly doesn't. Anyways, even though I'd always held this position to be true, I never understood it till tonight. It isn't a game of "duck, duck, damn", but rather God reaching out and saving us by GRACE. How amazingly awesome is that? Mere words cannot even say. And although I still do not have the knowledge to argue one position over the other, I know have the faith to believe one over the other. And that is comforting enough.

There's so much more I could go into, but I just can't right now. Sleepy eyes and lack proper grammer skills at this time of night. Check out their site to download the sermon. It's definitely worth it. Or check with iTunes. You won't be disappointed.

www.marshillchurch.org

This world sold it's faith for parking lots and drunk sincerity.

I'm allowed to have not-so-good days, right? Well, I sure hope so, because the past few days definitely qualified. Nothing big all at once, but just lots and lots of little things that kept falling on me. Like, when you're out in the rain and it's not coming down in sheets, but just enough so you can't wipe the water away from your eyes. That kind of bad day.

Well, I guess I'll start with some of the good type things. I went to a Doorstep event today, which is always rewarding in itself. I got to help with the eye exams, by filling out the forms and putting them in order when they were done. Anyways, it's nice to feel necessary, you know? It wasn't much, but just enough to make me smile.

It really all went downhill from there. I guess I can basically categorize the not-so-goodness into three categories: surface, internal, and soul-breaking sadness. Surface-wise, the Seahawks lost, 20-42, against the Packers. Yeah, it did suck that bad. I always have a positive outlook when it comes to my guys in blue, but it's really hard when everyone else around doesn't share that same view. It makes me feel sad, and breaks little bits of my confidence and enjoyment of the game and throws them away. I know that sounds a little dramatic, but I like feeling good about things. And I feel like I shouldn't anymore, you know? I guess it's a little tough to explain...

As far as internally, it's just been Christians who have been letting me down. Now, I firmly believe that no matter what people around me do, I will always believe in Jesus. After all, he's the only one that is perfect, and therefore the only one we should look too. But, there's usually a couple people who you put on that pedestal, kind of a current day example of what it means to live out Christ. Well, I have some friends like that. And I found out that everything I thought I knew about them was a lie. I believed them to be holy, upright and pure. Instead, I found them to be liars, cheaters and downright immoral. I didn't even know what to do. I no longer can trust a single thing they tell me, because everything I knew before was a lie. That basis of truth that I had is shattered, and I don't feel like investing the time to help rebuild it. I'm just too tired. Wow, that sounds incredibly selfish.

And now we get to the big kahuna: my soul-breaking sadness. (If you know me, I tend to be a little over-dramatic, but go with it. Sometimes, I actually hit it right on the nose.) Anyways, I found out recently that the church some of my friends go to believes that my church (Mars Hill in Seattle) is a cult. I've never talked to me friends about this, so I don't know if they believe this or not. If they don't, why would they keep attending and pledging themselves to a church that professes something other than what they hold to be true? And if they do think I am in a cult by attending my church, why wouldn't they try and stop me? If I had a friend trapped in a cult, I would do everything I could to get them out of it. I just don't see why they won't do the same for me. I guess it all comes down to someone caring enough to fight for you. And, as my friends that I've freely chosen, I had hoped they would care enough. When I was in high school, my guidance counselor always told me that I had no problem making friends. My only problem was meeting someone, and making them a lifelong friend, whether they wanted to or not. It's a blessing in some ways, but also a curse. (That's for you Monk fans out there.) I don't know when to let go, because in my mind, there is no time limit. Maybe I need to learn.

Ah. I feel somewhat better now. It's all out, and no longer bouncing around my head. It was starting to get dark and scary in there. Thanks for listening.

Most girls blend in. We prefer to make a scene.

Ah, so many things to say. And such a lack of eloquence with which to do so. It's been a while, but now I'm back to continue my rambling.

It's been snowing lately. Now, I use that term very lightly, because to really call what we've been getting "snow" is a bit of an overstatement. It's basically uber-cold water, that hopes to one day become snow. Overall, it's a poseur. Just your average slush. Even still, it's at least nice to see it while it falls down. Always with such grace. Ah...

So, fyi: I have been watching Gossip Girl. And I'm not going to lie. I actually like it, a lot. In fact, it's pretty addicting in its own way. I must admit that I've been a little remiss in the past few weeks of watching, but I'm betting I can catch up online. I mean, that's what the internet was created for, right? If not for watching television shows that were missed, then what? Oh, and feel free to judge me at any time. We all know that you have your own guilty-pleasure-show that you love too. You just can't bring yourself to say it out loud.


I've decided to take a small, albeit completely accurate survey. It's of the utmost importance. Not even kidding. It's about purses. (I realize that I've lost most of you right there, but if you'll hang on just a little bit longer, I promise it'll be fun!) Anyways, I recently had a conversation with some guys about the size of girls' purses. Apparently, the larger the purse, the more high maintenance the girl is. And the smaller the purse, the less high maintenance. Now, after quickly (and slightly biased) scanning some of my girlfriends in my mind, I've found that this theory holds up quite well. This is the part where you come in. Just let me know if this is true for you and your experience also. It's not like it's life-or-death crucial, but still way funny. Like, belly-shaking funny.

See? Doesn't this just SCREAM "high maintenance"? Yeah, I thought so. Completely fair and average example.

That's basically all. I mean, there's way more things I could go into, but I'm just a little too tired to go into more. In fact, it may not even be that. For all I know, it could be that I'm feeling pretty darn good right now, and everything else I have to say is a bit of a downer. So, maybe it's good that I leave now. Well, I'll be back...