Click Click Click Click.

Well, I'm back. Sort of. I'm back in the fact that I think I'll have more time to post again, but it's not like I ever left where I was. Life just happened, as it always does. It'd be nice sometimes if it would just stop. Like, putting life on pause. Ah, imagination.

I'm halfway through my Winter quarter of classes. I'm taking CAD 3D, which is difficult, but looks awesome when you're finally done. It's been five and a half weeks and all we've made is a room with two walls, windows, drapes, sofa, end table and lamp. That's it. So, you can see how long it'll take, but it does look really good. I'll have to post a photo when I'm finally done.

Also, I've been busy with church. It seems like I'm forcing myself to go in about eighty-five different directions at one time. First, I'm teaching the preschool class with my friend Janelle. It's about 20-25 wild and crazy rugrats that I absolutely adore. It's hectic at times, but I'm learning how to relate to them on their level, without treating them like idiots. I figured, if I treat them like pint-sized adults, things might turn out alright.  Well, it's still a work in progress.  I am so blessed that Janelle is helping me too.  Caroline used to be my right-hand gal, but after her sudden departure to Portland I had to replace her.  Janelle has filled in wonderfully and the kids love her.  It's funny how quick kids will get attached to someone.

Then, I've been involved with my young adults group.  Nothing more than I was doing before, but it just feels busier.  We've got the regular Sunday stuff, which I juggle between my preschool classes.  And then there's Bible Study, which I've taken upon myself to organize the teachers.  And by that I mean, I go around and assign everyone a week to teach and then I make sure that they know about it and show up.  And with all the newcomers, I try to make them feel as welcome as possible, although God knows I am not capable of doing it all or doing it perfectly.  

I don't currently have a job, but I'm looking for one.  Not too actively, but enough that keeps me annoyed.  It's one of those things where I want to have a job, but at the same time I don't.  I like the paycheck, but I don't like having to show up on time and do things that others tell me I have to do.  Ah, the inner turmoil I create for myself.

So, that's my current life in a nutshell.  Not much new, but it keeps me going.  Keeps my breathing.  Although, there's been a huge thing in my life that nearly took my breath away.

One of my dearest and closest friends in the entire world passed away a few weeks ago.  She had been in and out of the hospital for six years now, after having a liver and kidney transplant.  She was such a fighter, and this last time just took it out of her.  She simply couldn't hold on anymore.  And it hurts.  Terribly.  So much so that if I think about it too hard, I can't even breathe.  Since we met, we had always been incredibly close.  We were alike in so many ways, that she said I reminded her of when she was young, which is probably the biggest compliment I could ever get.  We even had matching rings on our hands, which is a huge thing, seeing as how I've never had matching anything with anyone.

We discussed praying for specifics yesterday at Bible Study, as in the case of Eleazar looking for a wife for Isaac.  The collective discussion was that if you pray specifically to God knowing that He will provide, He will.  While I wanted to yell, "No, that doesn't always happen", I sat there in complete silence.  I couldn't tell these people that I had specifically prayed for God to save my friend knowing that He could, and instead He decided to take her away.  It was just too much for me at one time.  Even this is too much, but if I don't talk about it, I think I might explode.

So, after getting all the daily life pleasantries out of the way, the above is how I am actually doing.  Kind of a complicated, and more-than-you-really-wanted-to-know kind of explanation.  Sorry to unload.

But on a happier note, I've started Round Two of the GOLD STAR CHALLENGE!!!  For those of you who have yet to receive your "prize" for participating in Round One, I sincerely apologize.  I will get to you, eventually.  Those of you who have gotten it can attest to it's greatness.  Or lack there of.  Either way, we're pushing forward to Round Two.  Scores are reset to zero.  So, have fun.

Until later...

P.S.  The last post is also up for grabs on the GOLD STAR CHALLENGE!!!  Go at it.

Go On, Say It.

Today was a bad day.
I can't even cushion it to make it sound alright.
It was basically, all-around bad.
And I don't feel like talking about it in detail.
Actually, I don't feel like talking about it at all, but it's already starting to tear me up inside.
I hate that feeling.
But, I need prayer.
Not for myself, but for a friend, who desperately needs everything thrown up to God.
Oh, if only I could do more.

So, it's been FOREVER since I've posted. With work, school and the hassles of everyday life consistently distracting me, I haven't had all that much time to post. Even now, I only have a few minutes, but I thought I'd drop a line to let you all know that I'm still alive.

Not much going on, besides the usual stuff. Christmas was wonderful with my family this year, and I always look forward to days where we are just hanging out, and completely relaxed. So, that was great. We're leaving for California on the 30th, and spending a few days with family for the New Year. It'll be nice, seeing as how we don't get to spend much time with them. And when we get back, it seems like January is going to be filled with excitement. We're going out to the coast for a day or two, traveling down to Florida, preparing for friends weddings (i.e. me looking for a dress to wear to it, which we all know will take every ounce of strength within me), and winter quarter starting as well. Ugh, too many things happen at the same time.

So, there's a quick rundown. Not much, but enough to keep ya'll interested, eh? Until later...

For Blue Skies.

I'm currently sitting in a dorm room in sunny California. Well, it's getting towards evening so it's not nearly as sunny as it was before, but that's beside the point. Anyways, I'm down here in Santa Clarita visiting Laura at The Master's College. It's actually way more impressive than I imagined, which was a very nice surprise. And this room is fairly decent-sized. Not bad for a Christian college, eh?

Anyways, it's kind of the opposite of my school. For one: everyone at least pretends to love Jesus, whether they actually do or not. I think I've become accustomed to hypocrisy from "Christians" more than I like the blatant disregard of God from non-Christians. (that's just me little sidenote). Number two: there are guys at this school who are NOT gay. Shocking, I know. I didn't even know those type of guys existed anymore. It's so sad that I've become desensitized to it because of my ridiculous school. It's not that I don't love my program, because I really do. It's just that I miss God being a part of my every day walk from people outside of my immediate family, you know?

I've already decided that there's no way I could ever live in a dorm. Way too many girls in a very tiny space. Not that Laura's friends haven't been super nice, because they totally have. They've made me feel very welcome, and I'm grateful for that. But seriously...can you see me living alongside this many other girls? I think I'd lose my mind. Actually, I KNOW I'd lose my mind. I'm glad Laura enjoys it, though. It's about time she had some other really good girlfriends around her, besides just me.

But, I really like it here because people talk about God in every other sentence. It's refreshing. I don't know if these people are more "spiritual", or if it's just that the spirit of God is totally working in this place. It's amazing. And as much as I love it, I don't ever see myself here. I don't feel that tug on my heart from God telling me that this is where I need to be. I feel like as much as I hate my school at times, it's where I'm supposed to be; to witness to those people in a place where God is certainly not accepted. Everyone's just called to their own mission field, eh?

I guess growing up in Christian schools made me realize that I don't want to live in the bubble anymore. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but for me it feels to safe. Usually that's what people go for, but I've found I actually trust and rely on God less when I'm comfortable. I tend to think that it's my own doing, instead of His, and my thoughts and ideas get averted from His. So, while some may think that this is the perfect place for them, at this time I know that it's just not mine. It's kind of comforting in a way, because I never tend to know what God wants for me. At least with this, I know what I don't want. Kind of the same-ish, eh?

And on a totally different topic: this is the last post of the GOLD STAR CHALLENGE, Round One. I'll get user feedback later on to see how it was accepted, and we'll see if it goes into another round. Good luck on this last one, everyone! Oh, and if I don't have your addresses (which I know I don't have anyone's...), get them to me sometime within the next two weeks. I'll be on break from school, so I'll actually have time to run down to the post office. Haha. And instead of posting them on here, feel free to email it to me at razzberry287@hotmail.com.

Until later....

Salesman At The Day Of The Parade.

So, as we all know, I'm not that girly. I've tried and tried, but the majority of the "girly" things just seems to escape me. However, if there was one thing that I really have down, that would be shopping. In fact, I am an expert shopper. If shopping was an Olympic sport, I would be the gold medalist.

That being said, I have found a great online place to shop. It's called JesusBranded, and it's amazing. See, I always like being obvious about my faith, but I don't like to do it in a cheesy, over-the-top, ridiculous "Jesus Loves You", with a big smiley face, kind of way. I just feel stupid when I do that. So, the awesome thing is that JesusBranded has those kind of shirts that are obvious about your faith, without looking ridiculous.

It's also got that slight, urban-indierock feel to the style, so I love it even more. It's like someone reached into my brain and said, "Oh, let's make clothes like her". Yeah, it's that good. So, check it out. (http://jesusbranded.com/) I'm a fan. Therefore, you should be too. Deal? Deal.

Until later...

P.S. The song for the day is from one of my new favorite bands. I'm usually the first to find someone awesome, but this time I got this from a friend, and I've never been happier. So, after you figure out who it is, feel free to listen to them...A LOT. And, repeatedly.

http://www.JesusBranded.com">Christian Shirts

Wrapped In Piano Strings.

I've come to realize that I'm not deep.  I'm not very philosophical.  I think I've always wanted to be, but wanting never makes things so.  I read through books, blogs, articles, etc. to see how others view things.  And then I think to myself, "Why aren't I like that?  Why can't I come up with things like they do?".  I still have no good answer for that.  But, I have come to realize that I don't need a good answer.  The best I can do is accept that I am who I am, and my philosophical mind can only be stretched so far, regardless of how I want it to go.

I've noticed that I pray more.  It's not that I didn't pray before.  It was that I had my "scheduled" times.  You know the routine: wake up, pray, eat lunch, pray, dinner, pray, go to bed, pray.  And I'm not saying those things are bad, but for me they were.  I was used to it.  I didn't talk to God because I wanted to, but because I knew I should.  I think it was more out of guilt that an actual prayer.  But lately, I've just been praying whenever.  I'll be driving and I'll find myself talking out loud and laughing in the car, as if He was sitting shotgun.  And sometimes I'm so angry with Him, I'll just be yelling at the top of my lungs.  There are times when I get so frustrated too, because I just can't always bring myself to say, "Your will be done".  I know it in my head, but I can't always get it to my heart.  I know what I want to say, but sometimes I don't always believe it.  It's such a struggle, but I think God's really working on me with it.  All of this to say that I think I've found that really awesome, omni-present, conversational side of God.  And I have to say that it is amazing.  Granted, it's not perfect seeing as how I'm involved, but it's pretty darn good.

Not too much of a point tonight.  Just more rambling.  But, it always does feel good to get it out.  Until later...

Label My Mind, Blown.

I love the Olympics.  It doesn't even matter who is playing, what sport, or where it is.  I just LOVE the Olympics.  Have I mentioned yet that I love the Olympics?  I know, I know...I hide it well.

I'm currently sitting at my computer at 1:30am, watching clips from today on the screen, while a television behind me is playing another set of highlights.  It's amazing what you can find on this time of night.  And, I'm not even tired yet.  It's not like I've been up since 6:00am, and plan on waking up in about 4 and a half hours or anything.  I think I should be labeled crazy.  Or at least, I think I should get a temporary hiatus from work and school once every two years just so I could sit around and so nothing but watch the games.  It's sickening, really.

Anyways, just thought I'd drop a line and say. "Howdy", seeing as how I haven't been by here in forever.  Sorry.  Don't worry though:  the game is continuing on!  Good luck with this one.

Got to go watch some more highlights.  No time to type.  :)  Till later...

P.S.  I chose the song for today not because it has anything to do with the Olympics (or even sports for that matter), but because Michael Phelps just set the record today for most gold medals won in the Olympics...ever.  He's at 10 already, and doesn't seem like he's going to stop any time soon.  Whew.  I'm officially impressed.