Wrapped In Piano Strings.

I've come to realize that I'm not deep.  I'm not very philosophical.  I think I've always wanted to be, but wanting never makes things so.  I read through books, blogs, articles, etc. to see how others view things.  And then I think to myself, "Why aren't I like that?  Why can't I come up with things like they do?".  I still have no good answer for that.  But, I have come to realize that I don't need a good answer.  The best I can do is accept that I am who I am, and my philosophical mind can only be stretched so far, regardless of how I want it to go.

I've noticed that I pray more.  It's not that I didn't pray before.  It was that I had my "scheduled" times.  You know the routine: wake up, pray, eat lunch, pray, dinner, pray, go to bed, pray.  And I'm not saying those things are bad, but for me they were.  I was used to it.  I didn't talk to God because I wanted to, but because I knew I should.  I think it was more out of guilt that an actual prayer.  But lately, I've just been praying whenever.  I'll be driving and I'll find myself talking out loud and laughing in the car, as if He was sitting shotgun.  And sometimes I'm so angry with Him, I'll just be yelling at the top of my lungs.  There are times when I get so frustrated too, because I just can't always bring myself to say, "Your will be done".  I know it in my head, but I can't always get it to my heart.  I know what I want to say, but sometimes I don't always believe it.  It's such a struggle, but I think God's really working on me with it.  All of this to say that I think I've found that really awesome, omni-present, conversational side of God.  And I have to say that it is amazing.  Granted, it's not perfect seeing as how I'm involved, but it's pretty darn good.

Not too much of a point tonight.  Just more rambling.  But, it always does feel good to get it out.  Until later...